He Gives & Takes Away

What a past couple of weeks Dan and I have had! As MANY of you know, we have been anticipating the closing of our new house. Apparently there REALLY was a mortgage debacle, and I can now say with all confidence that has to be easier to get guns through airport security than to go through the loan process right now. It has been two months of jumping through hoops to get information that seems absolutely ridiculous to outsiders, but the underwriters need it for some unknown reason. Two months. We were originally supposed to close on October 27th. Well that date came and went in the blink of an eye. Since then, we have been told time and time again that we will close in a couple of days. Those days come and go, and we stare in anticipation at another closing date a couple days later. Needless to say, we have felt similar to cards in the spoke of a bicycle wheel...around and around and around and around, hitting our heads with every turn of the wheel. It has been two months of HIGH anxiety and waiting. If you know me, you know that patience is the very LEAST of my virtues. That "Type A" personality just doesn't allow for it.

All things said and done, we have just been hoping to close before the Thanksgiving holiday so we would have days to work on this house without having to take vacation days from work. We also have a sweet friend moving to OKC from South Dakota who is going to live with us for a while and she will be here tomorrow. When we didn't have a closing date at the beginning of this week, we started to get a bit panicked. We were calling our poor lender every couple of hours asking for updates. After all, it HAS been two months and they have everything but our elementary school report cards and blood samples. As we drew closer to Thanksgiving day, we knew this was not looking good. Finally on Wednesday morning, our lender yanked our file out of underwriting and asked them to push it up to the Regional Manager because nothing was being done on it. The good news is that they responded within 30 minutes of that call. The bad news is, they filed us as a risk and denied our loan after having our file for two months...just like that. Our lender was so upset, and told us that he knows they just got mad with us pushing and looked for the first "risky" item to deny us. That risky item was the fact that Dan does roofing on the side, and has done quite a bit in the past few months. What??? Wouldn't that make you feel safer knowing that if something were to happen to one of our salaried jobs, we would still be able to bring in income???? So, we have reapplied with another lender, and hopefully they can push it through for us this week. Not cool. What's a girl gotta do to be in a home? The worst part was that we felt completely blind sided. We were both made to think that it wasn't a matter of "if" we were going to close, but "when." Hard stuff.

Needless to say, we were pretty bummed on Wednesday. The thought of not getting this house is just too much to bear right now. I can't even go there in my mind, but have to prepare myself for whatever may come at the same time. All the plans we have made are tentatively on hold until we know more. We already have things moved into the garage of this home. However, God totally smiled on us Wednesday in the midst of our grief and frustration. Dan was getting ready for youth service when he heard a little cry from the bushes outside of the youth building. He kept hearing it and hearing it, growing louder and louder. A pitiful little cry. When he started looking, he saw a little kitten buried deep in the bushes, scared to death. He worked to get his hands on it, and finally did. He took it inside and let some of the youth girls comfort the little baby until I could get over there. When I got there, it was over. That kitty was no longer homeless. He is the sweetest little thing. He is a chocolate brown, long-haired kitten with bright green eyes. He is SOOOOOO lovey, but he is super scared. He limps on his back leg and has a tail that is broken off about 2/3 of the way up, so it makes a hard 90 degree angle and just hangs on the tip. When he is not running from hiding place to hiding place, he will let you love on him and just purrs and purrs. He is precious.

We took him to the vet yesterday to have his leg and tail looked at, as well as his overall health examined. We found out that he is about 9-10 weeks old, and is pretty sicky. He was running a fever of about 103.7, which would be about 101.7 in humans. The doctor seemed to think he had probably been attacked and bitten by a larger animal, which explained the leg, tail, and fever. He also had some fleas and roundworms. He was treated for all of those, and given an antibiotic to take for the next seven days. Poor little guy. He's had a rough run for the first few weeks of his life. Wednesday was his lucky day. He found a home where two people will absolutely adore him. It hurts my heart to think about where he came from and how he has been living. He is so scared of humans. We can love on him and he purrs, but the second you put him down, he is instantly afraid again. It will take him a while, but we know he is going to be just fine. We are trying to name him, and thinking Jett, Sambo (Sam), or Rocco. Little cutie.

So see, the Lord DOES give and takeaway. We are being taught serious trust right now, but in the midst of that, we can see that the Lord gave us a little special gift to show us He loves us and also to keep our minds off our current situation during the Holiday weekend. Pray for us if you think about it. Pray for this house and for our hearts. Also pray for our little kitty to heal and feel at home with us. He found us Wednesday, we didn't find him. He has already brought new love into our home. Sweet little baby.

18 Kids...AND Jenn

Can't believe I haven't posted these pics of my time spent with my favorite family (other than my own) in the entire world! THE DUGGARS! Most definitely two of my favorite pics EVER! And yes, they are as sweet in person as they are on the show, 18 Kids & Counting. Thank you, Brooke, for letting me experience this with you!

Oh, hi Jim-Bob and Michelle! Happy 25th Anniversary (and congrats on #19 in the oven!!!!)

Just kickin' it with the Duggar girls! Jessa, my FAVE, is to my left. Happy day!
I asked them if they got to pick out their bridesmaid dresses, and they said they made them...of COURSE they did! Silly me!

Our Not-So-Nice Neighbor

So, as you know, we are buying this new house. The GOOD news is, they have agreed to fix the AC! Woop! Woop! We are pumped about that! We were supposed to close yesterday, but they aren't starting the work until this Friday. Hopefully we will close a week from today! The BAD news lies in a little adventure that started a week ago tomorrow...last Thursday.

My little sis, Whit, was in town last week. I love it when she is here. She's my BFF. I knew we couldn't get into the house since we have it under contract, but wanted to walk her around the outside of the house to look in the windows. Now, let me back track to the week before when we were there getting bids to repair the AC. It was dark, and the last company was outside examining the AC units. They came in quickly and said, "Umm...a dog just busted through your fence from your neighbor's backyard!" We were standing in the living room, and sure enough, there at the back door was a black dog. We really didn't think much about it, and I guess I just assumed he had gotten in by digging or something. We left that night, and I hadn't thought about it since. Now, fast forward to me walking around the house with Whit...

We had just walked through the rod-iron gate to the backyard, and were looking in the window to the mother-in-law suite, when Whit said, "Uh-oh!" Then I saw in the reflection in the window, what was obviously the dog who had busted through the fence standing about 20 feet behind us, on point (front paw raised, ears raised, and tail straight up in the air). We were really still, and tried to act like everything was okay. I was really wanting to see what the dog would do before we moved. He went over to a bush, went #1 (pee), then started crouching toward us. I told Whit, who was closer to the gate about 8 feet away, to GO! She went as quickly as she could and I was right behind her. But as we were moving, so was he...and QUICKLY! I BARELY made it through the gate before he lunged at the gate, barking viciously and biting. I had to hold the gate closed with all of my body weight just to keep him from us; then when he rared back to come at us again, I was able to reach down quickly and lock the gate. We were both so scared. He was inches from getting me before I got to the gate. Whit's phone was in the car, and there was NO WAY she could have gotten him off of me if he had attacked me. We also noticed that there were several places where he had, in fact, busted through the fence...taking out 2x4's and all. There was also a note on the front door where people who were there to do inspections and other work on the house could not complete their work because they couldn't get in the back yard. Here is a pic I found online of what the dog looks like. He is obviously a Pit Bull/Boxer mix, and I'm pretty sure his name is something like "Lucifer" or "Satan."

When we left that day, I called our WONDERFUL realtor, who said the listing agent had been over to the neighbor's about the dog three times and no one was home. Then I called animal control, who said all they could do is go out to the neighbor's house and talk to them. They couldn't go onto the property if he was contained. I talked to a friend whose kids were attacked by Boxers in their neighborhood when they were little, and she was telling me there isn't much you can do legally unless they actually attack and are willing to pay in a law suit. I was getting discouraged, and told Dan on Saturday that this might be a deal-breaker for me if we can't do anything about it. One of the things we loved most about this house was the backyard, and the fact that we could have our youth over to play all the time. As it stood, we couldn't even get three feet in our backyard with that dog. So, we called our realtor again and told her how concerned I was. She said the listing agent had gone over again, and they said it wasn't their dog. PERFECT! Now we have a rabid STRAY dog, and animal control could surely take him!

I drove by again on Sunday, and there he was, coming from the neighbor's yard. This time I stood outside the gate, and he ran full speed at the gate and hit it head on trying to get to me, barking and biting the whole time. VICIOUS! I called animal control AGAIN, and they said they would send someone out to file a complaint, and call me before so I could meet them there. Then they could go on the property. They never called.

All the while, I felt like Dan might have thought I was exaggerating just a bit. He hadn't ever seen the dog himself, and I think he thought if he went over, there would be a chihuahua in the backyard. So Monday morning, I sent him over by himself and asked him to simply walk up to the gate and say, "Hello." I also gave him Animal Control's number. It didn't take him long to call them when he got there, as the dog was back and mean as ever. He called them with the dog right next to him going nuts so they could hear it. They said they would send someone out, but 2.5 hours later, nothing. He called them again, and finally they told us that we weren't a priority because no one had been bitten. So, we called the Police, telling them we had called Animal Control four times, and they wouldn't come out. We were supposed to close on this house, and a stray dog was preventing us from doing so.

The police came out and handled it immediately. He called Animal Control and told them to get their butt's over there and get this crazy dog. He went to the neighbor's where he was told they didn't have a Pit Bull/Boxer, but had a Lab/German Shepherd. The policeman made the owner walk him around back, and as soon as they walked into the yard, the dog charged at the policeman. The owner had to grab him by the collar and hold him the entire time. The policeman told him that was, in fact, a Pit Bull, and he had to keep him INSIDE the house at all times, and repair the fence immediately, or they were going to come back and take the dog. When the policeman came back over to our house to make sure the dog was in, he walked into the backyard with his gun drawn...THAT'S the caliber of dog we are dealing with. Animal Control finally showed up, and went over to give the neighbor a warning. If that dog so much as sticks his NOSE on our property, WE (Dan and I) will have the choice whether they take the dog and issue him a ticket starting at $7500 to get the dog back, or file Dangerous Dog charges against them, and if he is found guilty, the dog will have to be put down.

So, for now it's handled. I can't say I feel completely safe in the backyard just yet. The fence isn't repaired, and I'm anxious to see how long that dog is kept in the house. I do feel better knowing now that there is a record in Public Services, Animal Control has to respond IMMEDIATELY to any call we make about this dog, and we have the choice of what is done with him. The policeman told me that if that dog had gotten a hold of me last Thursday, he would have killed me. That's not cool. Not cool at all, dawg!! I feel safe to say, my hubby would probably take care of him first if it came to that!

That Hamster Wheel Called "Life"

Well, life has been crazy, y'all. For reals. So crazy that I haven't blogged since 'Nam! Sorry 'bout that. But I find myself home alone tonight, and all I want to do is dump this brain. Bear with me, this could be lengthy...

Update since my last post...we did NOT get the house below. As I expected, our highest offer, and their lowest asking price had a big gap between them. We didn't even counter back, which made the realtor a little mad, but the price just wasn't smart for us, so we went on our merry way...to a foreclosure in a neighborhood close to the one I grew up in. This house was DIRT CHEAP, and more house than I believed we would ever live in!!! It needed some work, but we were excited about that. My hubs is bomb at construction and renovations, and the profit we were going to turn if we sold one day was SICK! I literally had $ $ for eyeballs! So we made an offer...the first one in the five months the house had been on the market...or so we thought. Turns out another couple made an offer an hour before we did. What are the chances? The listing agent told our realtor that our offer was higher, so we felt good! The bank came back a day later and asked for best and highest offers to be submitted by a certain time. We went full price, and the other couple "said" they weren't going to resubmit an offer. The house was as good as ours. However, they came in at the very last minute and made an offer lower than ours, but with a loan that is more beneficial to the bank in a foreclosure situation. So, we lost house number 3, and I was HEARTBROKEN over this one somethin' fierce! We fought for this one...tooth and nail, and I felt like I had been knocked out after 12 rounds. I had completely moved into that sucker in my mind. Shoot. I had things in the attic and the Christmas tree up, for cryin' out loud! I told Dan after many, many sobbing tears that it felt like a horrible break-up. Like I would never be able to even LOOK at another house, because nothing will EVER be better than that one! How many times have we all said THAT, only to find the next one usually IS better?? Can I get an "Amen?"

Well, it did get better. Along came the house one THUNDERBIRD Drive! I like to say it like the Nascar commercials, "SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUUUUUNNNNNDDDDAYYYYYY!!!" Say it with me in that deep voice, with your chin down..."THHHHHUUUUNNNNNDDDEEERRRBBBIIRRRRDDDD DRRIIIIVVVVVEEEE!" Fun, huh? ; ) Totally Oklahoma. All we need is a Dream Catcher on the door. This house is in a neighborhood that has a golf course and country club, which is why it has maintained its value through the years. It was built in 1977 by a couple who were its only owners until they both passed away early this year. The house is now owned by their five kids through their trust, and they are ready to get rid of it. Again, it needs work, but that's what I am looking for. It would almost be a shame with Dan's talent NOT to buy somewhat of a fixer-upper. And with the $8K tax credit, we'll have the money to do it. Anyway, this 2,900sf, 4 bed/3 bath/2 living/formal dining sucker was listed way out of our price range, so I wasn't really sure why we were even looking at it with our realtor. But she convinced me, and we made an offer that day...a LOOOOOOOOWWW offer, at that. I thought, 'what the heck do we have to lose at this point??' The sellers came back the next day and simply asked if we could pay $1,000 over our original offer and close three days earlier! In the words of my beloved Napolean Dynomite, "HECK YES WE CAN!" And it was done. Just as easy as that! Or so we thought...

We had inspections on Monday, and in older homes in OK, the HVAC duct work was run through the foundation with vents in the floor. After receiving some great advice from a dear friend, we decided to pay to have the duct work scoped with a video camera to see if they were still in tact. Guess what...they weren't. And with that size of a house, there are TWO AC units, one on each side. They both need to be replaced, and all duct work needs to be run through the attic. Our loan won't be approved until its done. So, we have spent the past couple days getting, oh, anywhere from $16,800 to $20,000 bids to have the work done. The listing agent will present the estimates to the seller tomorrow, and we will go from there. The good thing is, they stand to make 100% profit off of this home since it is paid off, so anything they spend will just be backed out of that. The bad news is, they are basically GIVING us the house already. Our fear is that they will fix it, then put it back on the market touting new AC units and ducts to get a higher offer. Either way, they will HAVE to fix the problem, or disclose the inspection findings to every potential buyer down the road. So again we wait, with hopeful hearts. Not sure what I will do if we lose this one. I love this house. It's a home. Our home. You can almost feel the love that lived there for years. Mmmm...good stuff.

Outside of the house hunting, we have been busier than I can remember...ever. Could just be that we are still in transition, so nothing much feels settling, but shoot, I'm slammed! We are right at the launch of the two-year capital campaign at Victory called "Light A Fire", and it's ALL marketing, ALL THE TIME! I love the purpose and passion behind LAF, which includes my hubs getting a new youth building (YEE-HAW!). But I have learned the dictionary meaning of "Light A Fire" is to "burn the candle at both ends." I have definitely been doing that. It's so going to be worth it though. Every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears poured into this thing. It has been amazing to watch the staff come together to get things done at all costs. We had our first church-wide LAF event last night, which was a Prayer Journey: a night of praise, worship, and strategic prayer over this movement. It was AWESOME to see how the church responded. I believe the Lord is beginning to knit the hearts of Victory Church to the vision of Light A Fire, and it's going to be RIDIC! Better watch out OKC! This fire's gonna spread pretty quickly!

All that to say, I'm tired. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror today, and it made me sad. I have actually had blood tests run in the past week for some health concerns too. I'm just plumb worn-out, and it's written all over my face and "innards." Dan and I run at a rate that would tire most people after just a few days. We have been running at that rate since we got engaged last June...almost a year and a half ago. Constantly rushed. Constantly things on the agenda that you are running to get to. Never any REAL downtime; and IF there ever is, I don't even know what to do with myself. I get so anxious just sitting, because I DON'T have tons to do. That's not good. I told Dan the other day, "We HAVE to slow down. Like, we HAVE to carve out time every week where we literally do nothing, and PROTECT IT like we would our own child!" His response was that it was just "a busy season." I quickly negged that (for those of you who don't know my lingo, that means I shot that down), and told him that we had been saying that since we got engaged. "After the wedding things will slow down. After we move, things will slow down. After we are in a house, things will slow down. After Light A Fire is over, things will slow down." I don't believe it. What I DO believe, is that this busyness has gone from "a season" to "a lifestyle." To the point that I can't function outside of it, and have lost a bit of myself in it. I can make a long list of the things I would like to "do" if I ever got real downtime, but isn't that just being busy again?

I want REAL downtime...where there IS no checklist...not a few hours sandwiched between two calendar items...not a day where I cram in all of the stuff I can't get done any other time, like grocery shopping, house cleaning, taking my FLIPPIN' clothes from the top of the dryer, into my closet, and actually ONTO hangers...ge'ez LOUISE!! REAL DOWNTIME, PEOPLE! Where I can watch all of the girly movies I want to, INCLUDING and not limited to, the Hannah Montana movie, first and foremost (don't you judge me)...where I can sleep without an alarm clock...where I can stay in my pj's all stinkin' day if I want...where my calendar items on my phone don't sound like a handbell choir for the whole day...where I can paint these toenails...where I can just PAINT again! I love to paint and haven't in a year and a half because of this "busyness" thing we have let run our lives.

I'm telling you now though, a new season is coming in the lives of Dan and Jenn. One where we can say "no," and not feel bad. One where we have time for "us" AND for "me." One of health, both physically and spiritually. The Lord has been speaking that over me for a couple of weeks, and I'm clinging desperately to His words. He IS hope for the hopeless...He IS healing for the broken...He DOES carry the weary...He DOES rescue the hurting...He WILL make us whole again. He is THE ONLY ONE who can, and I trust He will do all of those things and more in my poor, weak, tired bones and spirit.

I love me some Brooke Fraser. Sister can SING! But I think more of a gift is her ability to write. If your speakers are up, you are probably listening to some of my favorite tunes right now. One is my favorite Brooke Fraser song called "Shadowfeet". My friend Jenny told me a couple years back that it was my theme song. I agree. To me, it's like the Bible, in that it is living and breathing. The Bible is the only book that reads differently just about every time I pick it up, depending on what "season" in life I am in. This song does that in me too. In this particular season, it speaks to my weariness, to my self-defeat, to my messy spirituality, and to the promise that when I feel so tired that I can't stand, as the song says, "when the world has fallen out from under me, I'll be found in YOU, still standing", that HE "makes ALL things new," and that I even though I'm stumbling at times, I am most definitely "made of different stuff than when I began"...though it doesn't always feel like it.

Scroll down to the music player at the bottom of this page, turn your speakers up loud, click play on "Shadowfeet" (it's number three), then come back up and read these lyrics as she sings. It will make you smile...

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
Toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am changing
Less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began
And I have sensed it all along
Fast approaching is the day

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

There's distraction buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
But I've heard rumours of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

You make all things new

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

...see...you're smiling, aren't you... ; )

The Impossible...possible??

Many of you know that Dan and I had signed a contract on a house that was in early construction phases at the beginning of July, then were forced to back out of it last week because the builder was being less than honest (and downright shady) with us. Sad day at the Maciuk house. We are trying desperately to take advantage of this $8K tax credit since I am a first-time home buyer. So, the search for our first home in OKC begins again.

Last week, we found an AMAZING older home that has been "flipped" (for those of you HGTV'ers like myself). I mean, the sucker has been gutted like a dead fish, and is brand new on the inside! Not to mention the fact that is is over 1,000 square feet larger than our house in Fayetteville (and 1,500 sf larger than our current apartment!) I can close my eyes and clearly see our youth group piled in the huge living room, sprawled out on the furniture and floor, hanging out with me in the huge kitchen, and spending the night whenever they want! It is the perfect ministry house for us! The price it is listed at is within our price range, but it is at the high end of the comparables sold in that old neighborhood in the past year, because of the upgrades. However, it still needs new windows throughout, as well as a new air conditioner...two HUGE things!

We have been debating on the price to offer for this house, because we know the owners put a lot of blood, sweat and tears, and are highly unlikely to accept our offer of $10,000 less than asking price (to accommodate for new windows in the next few years), PLUS a new AC...however fair WE think the offer is. And our first offer, is as high as we are willing to go, because we don't want to improve the house above it's market value. Not to mention there are other asthetics we would like to fix...paint the exterior brick, hardwood floors in the living, etc. Ugggh!! Last night, being the hopeless pessimist that I can sometimes be, had myself talked out of even making an offer, for fear of being disappointed. I totally know that with God, all things are possible, and that He is in the business of making the things that seem impossible, totally possible! I know that. However, this is REALLY impossible in my mind! But, my always optimistic husband says, "MAKE THE OFFER, AND SEE!" So we shall! The realtor is on his way to my office as I type for us to submit the formal offer. They have until 5:00pm, tomorrow, Wednesday, to respond. Here are some pics...



All that to say...PRAY WITH US!!!!!!!!! And also to say, God is so stinkin' cool! Look at this devotion that was in my inbox after lunch today...just after I had given the realtor the green light to bring the paperwork to me. Unreal...

FAITH IS SPELLED ‘R-I-S-K’

“And all of these, though they won divine approval by [means of] their faith, did not receive the fulfillment of what was promised.” Hebrews 11:39

It always amazes me how many believers are hesitant to claim God's promises because they're afraid they'll be disappointed. Perhaps they feel that if they don't expect too much from God, they can avoid the pain of being let down. I've heard it said that real faith is spelled "R-I-S-K". I think there's a lot of truth to that. It takes a lot of courage to trust God to come through for us when our senses aren't giving us any support. But that's exactly what the Lord expects from us. If you look at the eleventh chapter of Hebrews, you see that God approves of those who put their faith in His promises, whether or not they come to pass. The verse above confirms this. And so does Hebrews 11:13 (NIV): "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance." The Scriptures reveal that God holds in high esteem those who live by faith and continue to hold on to God's promises, even through long periods of waiting. The fact is, if we really want to please God and reap the rewards He has in store for us, we're going to have to risk putting our faith and trust in Him, even when it looks like the odds are against us. Hebrews 11:6 (NIV) tells us that, "Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists, and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him."

The first verse of Hebrews gives us a biblical definition of faith: "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." And the next verse reveals that it's this kind of faith that God esteems: "This is what the ancients were commended for." (Hebrews 11:1-2 NIV) The words "sure" and "certain" make it clear that faith is confidence in God and His Word, even when we don't see any tangible evidence to justify that faith. And the verse that follows reveals why our believing in what we don't see isn't just "pie in the sky": “By faith we understand that the entire universe was formed at God’s command, that what we now see did not come from anything that can be seen.” (Hebrews 11:3 NLT) The Creator of the universe isn't the least bit hindered when our circumstances look "impossible." Making something out of nothing is what our God does best.

Now you need to ask yourself how serious you are about pleasing God. If you're really serious, you aren't going to be able to avoid taking risks with your faith. Yes, you're going to experience some disappointments you might have escaped. But I guarantee you this--you're going to witness some miracles in your life that you would have otherwise missed. Hebrews 11:33 (NLT) tells us that "by faith" some of God's people "received what God had promised them." The bottom line is this--whether or not we receive all the promises we believe God for isn't the issue; the issue is whether or not we are living by faith, trusting God with all of our hearts in every circumstance every day of our lives. When we do, along with God's hearty approval, we'll have a peace and joy in our hearts that will enable us to live the abundant life that Jesus came to give us. Today, my heartfelt prayer for you is that you will dare to believe!

Lord, forgive me for the times I've missed Your perfect will because I was fearful or timid. Give me a holy boldness that will dare to believe in Your promises, and to risk disappointment. Help me to keep my eyes on You and Your Word, instead of on my circumstances. Thank You that as I live by faith each day, I'll impact the lives of others with my peace and joy!

Lovey #1 - Miss Sarah Votaw

So I have decided that I love my friends. I love them so much, I am going to tell you ten reasons why I love a different friend once a week. I will call them "Lovey's"...appropriately.

This week, that one is Miss Sarah Votaw!! Sarah is one of our FAVORITE new friends in OKC...and she just happens to be 10 years old! Here are 10 reasons why we love Miss Sarah!

1. She is THE COOLEST dresser in the world! And she dresses herself!
2. She laughs at everything I say
3. She is really, REALLY cute! Even when she just gets out of bed and comes to the office!
4. She is a great singer, and leads worship in VKIDS, the children's ministry at Victory Church
5. She loves cupcakes...we were destined to be friends
6. Dan and I were the only adults invited to her birthday party this year
7. She has the coolest hamster, Humphrey, and almost bought me one for my birthday this year!
8. She loves her family, and always wants to honor them
9. She has a bit of a giraffe obsession, which is good because Dan and I are really tall
AND
10. She made Dan and I feel so loved when we first moved here, and continues to love us even though she knows us well now!

Sarah really is one of the coolest kids ever! If we could keep her, we would! For now, we'll just invite her and Humphrey over to spend the night!

Now THAT'S a Wedding Processional!

WHY? WHY? WHY?????? Didn't I think of this!?!? Genius, and we totally would have pulled it off. Too bad it's a once-in-a-lifetime deal. : ) Njoy!

There's more where that came from...

Last weekend I got to go home to Arkansas to spend some much needed time with the fam. Some that I haven't seen in too, too long, and other's that I am blessed to talk to and see more often. Regardless of how often I see or hear from them, I love them all, and it was so good to exchange hugs, many laughs, and be at rest with the ones you cherish most.

A vital part of that fam is my Grandpa Chancellor. As I mentioned in my previous post, he turns my heart to absolute mush. I talked to him on the phone Thursday evening and told him I was going to come see him in Malvern on Saturday. He was so excited! I asked him if he wanted me to bring him some "sweetnin'," which is his word for "dessert." He said, in the sweetest voice, "Nah...you just give me a kiss and that'll be sweetnin' enough." Presh!

Here is a picture of my precious Grandpa. Poor thing. He was feeling awful that day. In fact, we found out his blood pressure that day was 90/18, which is dangerous stroke territory! Luckily my little sis, Whit-Whit, is a nurse and she was able to direct him on how to get it back up with his medications. Whew! No matter how bad he felt, he managed to pop off one of his hilarious Grandpa Chancellor-isms, that Whit and I have come to love more than just about anything in this world. The way he shows affection has historically been that of a second grader who pushes girls on the playground to tell them he thinks they are pretty alright. When some might say, "I am so glad you're my granddaughter" followed by an embrace, we have always gotten "Who's girl are you!????" with his dukes up in the air, as if he was looking for a good fight. He also regularly throws out the fact that he is going to "drop kick" one or both of us. I think our all time favorite, though, is when he told us to sit really close to each other on the couch so that he could knock both of us out with one punch! Oh man. I have NEVER laughed that hard in my life! Anyway, this past Saturday, he came at it a different way. Instead of physical harm, he was going to use a scare tactic. Imagine, if you will, an 83-year-old man who talks like Boomhauer from King of the Hill. In all seriousness, he said, "You almost walked in on a stranger!!! I found a long wig out in the shed and was gonna put it on with some earrings, and you'da thought I's a stranger!" I cracked up. The man...never, EVER know what you're going to get. I sure do love him.

When I got home Sunday night, we had Questions and Answers night with our small group of teenagers. (I say small, but it's really about 40 kids) Q&A night is where they can ask ANY question that's on their mind, and we'll try to answer it to the best of our ability. One girl asked if we thought someone could really die of a broken heart when someone they love passes away before them. That hit close to home after my visit with my Grandpa. He has gone downhill significantly in health since my Grandma passed away last September. That question combined with being a newlywed, has really made me think a lot this week about losing someone you love, whether a spouse, a child, a parent, a sibling...even a close friend. Of course I believe that our death is written in our book of life from the beginning. It comes as no surprise to our God if someone passes away soon after the loss of a loved one. However, more than a broken heart could devastate you to the point of death, I think a broken spirit is the cause of it all. My Grandpa and Grandma had been together their whole lives basically. In her last years, he cared for her in the most admirable, loving, committed way...the way all of us long to be loved and cared for. I am so thankful I have grown up with that example of commitment and marriage before me. So thankful. I know that when my Grandma was finally gone, his tired spirit went with her....that was his lifeblood, and I believe what caused his heart to beat. Without your heartbeat, the body shuts down. I believe it's the same without the spirit.

I also looked through old family photos at my Grandpa's house for a Chancellor family history web site we recently found. It was so fun to ask my Grandpa who everyone was, what they were doing, where they were, what happened to them, etc. It did my heart good to see that spirit back in him as he relived moments and relationships while looking at those photos with my dad, mom, and me. It sweetly reminded me that we were created for relationships and fellowship. We were created to love one another and do life together. To care for each other and hold each other up, no matter the distance between us. It also reminded me that families are such a gift from God. My family is wonderful. On both sides, and I am blessed for that. All that to say, love on each other...tell each other you love one another and why...laugh together, and let your spirit soak up every moment together on this side of Heaven. Life is short, but life is precious, and life is good.

Tears

Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they
are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.
~Charles Dickens, Great Expectations, 1860

Not sure what the cause, but I am SO weepy lately. I can't decide if I am in a season where I am surrounded by more sorrowful situations, or if my heart is just overflowing with sensitivity and compassion, more than ever before. Either way, poor Dan. He has to hear it and see it all the time. Some of the things making me flow like a faucet lately...

1. Old men. I can't handle them. I bawl...immediately. They hurt my heart in unexplainable ways. It really, truthfully feels like someone is standing on my chest when I see an elderly man. I have to turn away. I tell this story all the time, but when I was younger, I was banned from going on children's choir trips to nursing homes to sing Christmas carols because I would cry the entire time. It's so bad, that the girls in my youth group wrote a song about my old man "handicap" entitled, "Oh, the little old man!"
   
   
2. Going hand-in-hand with old men, is my Grandpa, Raymond Chancellor. He absolutely breaks my heart. He is (with the exception of my Dad) the best man alive. He is the sweetest, most loving, generous, hard-working, God-fearing, "salt of the earth", obedient, funniest man I have ever met. I could spend every day, all day with him and never grow tired or bored. He has provided for my dad's brothers and their children, his whole life...giving them anything and everything they have ever needed to survive in life. He cared for my Grandma, the love of his life that he married when she was 15, so willingly and selflessly until she passed away last September with Lupus and Parkinson's. Today, he is still working heavy machinery to repair roads in southern Arkansas at the age of 83 to care for my dad's brothers and their kids. (Don't even get me started on that!) Dan had to comfort me a week or so ago when I heard that he was seen picking up and paying for the prescriptions for all who live under his roof after a long hard day at work. I was sobbing on the couch out of helplessness. I would move in with him tomorrow and care for him until he goes to be with my Grandma, if I could. I love that man with every bit of my aching heart. It pains me to not be able to help him and love him every day. I have tears now.
   
   
3. The thought of not being able to have kids. Now, I have ZERO idea why I even think about this. Dan and I have just begun "trying" (whatever that means) to start a family. However, I, at times, am completely crippled with the fear of not being able to have kids. I just can't imagine the pain. I am one who has wanted kids since I was a kid myself. Getting married later in life presents a sense of urgency in that. I know God has such a plan for us though. His ways and timing are always WAY more exciting and perfect than mine, so we shall wait to see what He has!
   
   
4. Another hand-in-hand is the idea of adopting babies. I have such a heart for the hurting and less fortunate. Dan and I have always said we would like to have two or three of our own, and then adopt one or two from another country. We even talk about where we would want them to be from. Given my love for Africa, I always say somewhere in Africa. Dan being from South America, always says Paraguay, etc. However, yesterday I became Facebook friends with a sweet friend that I used to work with in college. She and her husband have adopted two little girls from an orphanage in Vietnam in the past three years. She is a professional photographer, and has done a beautiful job of documenting their story and their little lives as they unfold. In one day, I am obsessed. Check out her blog, and you will be too. Needless to say, if we ever adopt, I will be contacting my friend Kelly, and heading to Vietnam. Done, and done.

Those are just a few things that are top of the mind, but I also cried today watching "16 and Pregnant" on MTV, and "Wedding Day" on TLC. I teared up on Friday when I found out that a man that I reached out to on Facebook to help me with the geneaology on my dad's side of the family was in fact, my second cousin. Oh, and I cried in the movie "Up" last week, but it's about a little old man, so that was a given.

Again, not sure what is going on, but I love to cry, so I'm okay with it. It shows my heart is still working, and in a family chock-full of heart disease, that is a GOOOOOOD thing!

Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either.
~Golda Meir

Too Much of a Good Thing!

So, I'm a TOTAL TLC JUNKIE!!!! From What Not To Wear, Say Yes to the Dress, Jon & Kate Plus Eight, Cake Boss, 18 Kids and Counting, Toddlers and Tiaras, Baby Story, Mystery Diagnosis, Little Couple to all of the Biggest, Tallest Person(s) shows. You name it, I watch it...and make my husband watch them too. God love him!


Well, last Friday night, I had a dream. I had a dream that Dan and I found out we were pregnant. The way I found out was that I was somehow hanging out with Michelle Duggar, the mom from 18 Kids and Counting: The Duggar Story. Many of you know that the Duggar's are from northwest Arkansas, where we used to live. Anyway, they are like local celebs to us, and I think they are the absolute SWEETEST family in the world! But, back to the dream. I was hanging out with Mrs. Duggar, who OWNED her own ultrasound machine. Why wouldn't you after 18 kids???? I mean, sounds reasonable enough! She was giving herself an ultrasound, which is how she always found out she was pregnant (in the dream), and decided to give me one where she found that I too, was preggers!

So I woke up to tell Dan, thinking he would laugh hysterically at what I have resulted to dreaming about. After he laughed, he officially grounded me from watching TLC, citing an overdose. I told him it could be worse! I could be dreaming about us getting a divorce from watching Jon & Kate Plus Eight! ; ) So he's asleep now...and I'm watching TLC. Shhhhh! ; )

Do You Know?

First, I apologize immensely for the "blogging sabbatical"! So much has happened! So much! There are a couple of reasons for the absence. The first of which is lack of words. One of my bestie's, Milt, put it best in her recent blog "On Creating and Resistance". For us creative kind, words can be overwhelming at times. We put so much weight into each individual one, that it's hard to find the *perfect* word to describe each feeling, emotion, thought, etc. to accurately depict the story going on in our heads. And I think that's what they call good 'ol writer's block. All that to say, I've been a bit overwhelmed with all the BIG THINGS that have transpired in our lives over the past month or more, and the thought of just dedicating a few less than *perfect* words to them, makes me want to not write about them at all. That may have to do with the perfectionist in me as well, but that's a whole 'notha blog!

The second reason for my absence is that I get a little blogged-out sometimes. I think we, generally, believe our own lives are WAY more interesting than everyone else does. At times I feel like blogs are posted every time someone goes to the bathroom or gets stuck in traffic. Now, not to deem anyone's life and its happenings less than "important," I just choose to use discretion on what, in my life, is blog-worthy. That way I won't water down the really good stuff, which there IS some, and I'll post about all of that a little later!

However, today I have something that IS blog-worthy. So blog-worthy my heart is about to jump out of my chest. NO, we are NOT pregnant! (but that would DEFINITELY be blog-worthy, and I hope to write on that sooner than later!) Since I believe in Jesus, and I believe in the Holy Spirit (don't quit on me now those of you who aren't sure...this is gonna get good!), I know that recurring "heart themes", or things that continue to affect my heart, are often movements of the Holy Spirit prompting something. I've had one of these lately, and it just keeps on keepin' on. It all started at the Wonder Tour a few weeks ago in Osawatomie, KS. Our friend Mandy Scholz was stopped in this small town for speeding. Her 4-year-old, London, is one of our all time favorite kids. If there ever were to be a star on the show "Kid's Say the Darndest Things," this is your gal! Anyway, as the policeman was questioning Mandy about her lack of knowledge of the speed limit, little Londey-poo was in the back seat shouting, "Mommy! Does that policeman know Jesus!??????" She was dying to know, and they just might have gotten out of a ticket because of her preciousness. Later that night, London was sitting on my lap in a large group of HS students, listening to the run-down for the week ahead. She pointed to a boy sitting next to me, leaned to my ear and whispered, "Does that boy know Jesus?" I just couldn't believe that this 4-year-old was so concerned with whether or not everyone around her knew Jesus like she did, and was willing to ask, and even shout it out! They just happened to all be boys she wasn't sure about, but again, that's a whole 'notha blog! ; ) KIDDING! Conviction delivered through a 4-year-old...priceless.

Fast forward to this past Sunday. The sermon series at Victory Church (or as I like to call it, "Bomb Church" because it's the most bomb church ever!!) has been "What If" for the past four weeks. This past Sunday, it was "What If We Loved the Lost"? Now, I've never really been a fan of the word "lost" when referring to non-believers for a few personal reasons. I would rather say "those who don't know yet." This video by the magician Penn Jillette, from Penn & Teller, says it all to me. Penn is an atheist, as he will tell you in this video, but you can TOTALLY see the work of the Holy Spirit in his heart here. All because ONE MAN cared for "those who don't know yet." Those of us who DO believe, this should convict us and feel like a bit of a cane beating at best. If not, you might check your pulse. Check it out...


I'll just close with these two thoughts.

1. If you profess to believe that Jesus Christ did in fact hang on a cross and die for our sins, so that we can spend eternity in heaven, and that all others will spend eternity in hell...HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE TO HATE SOMEONE TO NOT SHARE THAT WITH THEM? Would you not push them out of the way if they were standing in the middle of the street and a bus was about to hit them?? When do we stop being like London, and letting the first question out of our mouths when we meet a stranger be, "Do they know Jesus?" if we truly believe they will spend eternity in hell if they don't? If we believe that we, as believers, hold the secret to everlasting life, why do we KEEP it a secret? I challenge you to think about those questions, as I have been for weeks, and then make a bold, important statement to the world. Don't be quiet anymore.
   
2. If asked the question, "Do you know Jesus?" you would have to answer "No," I want to share with you the love that brought me out of a life of perpetual lies, deceit, addiction, immorality and loneliness. Jesus Christ died on a the cross for my sins, and for yours, so that we never have to think about those things again. I am made completely new...every single day. Because I know Him, I never have to be ashamed again, and I will get to spend eternity with someone who loved me more than ever imaginable. I want you to know Him too. My hurt aches for you to know Him. Please contact me through this blog, or click here, or call 1-888-NEED HIM if you want to know more, and I pray that you will!
   

I will not be quiet anymore!

Keep Up With Us!

So many people have blogs these days, it's hard to check them all for updates! Since we aren't very good at updating regularly, now you can subscribe to our blog via RSS feed or email notification by clicking on one of the links to the right. If you subscribe via email, you will simply enter your email address, and the system will generate an authorization email to that address. When you open that email, click the link it gives, and you will begin receiving an email each time we post to let you know there is something new out there. It's a totally safe and easy way to keep up with us...should you want to! : )

Huntin' eggs gots NOTHIN' on our Easter weekend!!

Dan and I were in OKC for our first full weekend! I am still living in Arkansas, but I was there Friday, Saturday and Sunday. We stayed with our sweet friends, Adam and Kristy Starling. Kristy is an AMAZING Christian Music artist, who leads worship at our church, and Adam is the college pastor at Victory.

If you know me at all, you probably quickly learned that the way to my heart is through cake of any kind...especially cupcakes! Since Dan is a man after my own heart, he took me to two of my new favorite places on earth! One is a cupcakery (I LOVE that word!) in an old, renovated house in downtown OKC called Sara Sara Cupcakes. The owner is Sara's mother. Sara died suddenly at a young age from a heart dysrhythmia. Before she passed away, she loved baking...especially cupcakes. After her death, her mother decided to honor her by opening Sara Sara Cupcakes, in which most of the proceeds go to fund a researcher at OU Medical Center, who is researching Sara's condition. So sweet...in more ways than one! It was such a neat vibe at 9:00 on Friday night! It was packed, and they had acoustic live music, and best of all...a milk bar! You could self-serve plain white milk, strawberry milk or chocolate milk from an old chrome refrigerated dispenser. Love it! The decor was very retro with lots of clear plexi-glass, and white...very clean and lots of white...with splashes of hot pink and silver to accessorize. And the marketer in me has to say, their branding was top notch!

As if that weren't heaven enough, Saturday night after church we hit up ANOTHER cupcakery called Cuppies and Joe! Appropriately named since we had cupcakes and coffee! This little place was hoppin'...and I don't mean just in time for Easter. It is located right in the middle of the Asian District in an old remodeled bungalo house. There wasn't a seat to be had, so we had to park it with a girl who was working on her laptop alone at a table for four. Again, they had live music, but this place had more of an Indie, Anthropologie-ish vibe than our stop the night before. Right up my alley! Very, very hip, and obviously the place to see and be seen for young peeps in OKC! This was the crowd fave for sure! If you come visit us in OKC, you can bet we will have some "Cuppies and Joe" before you leave!

Well, we rounded out our weekend with Easter Sunday at Victory Church. Wow. That's all I can say. What a blessing it is to be part of what is going on there. Our pastor, Mark Crow, is an AMAZING communicator. The sermon was not your typical Easter Sunday sermon where we walk through the death and resurection of Jesus Christ for all of those who come to church on Easter Sunday and Christmas only...God love 'em. ; ) Mark taught on "Jesus the Revolutionary"...and boy did he BRING IT! I was in the 12:00 service and saw over 100 people come to know the Lord in that service alone. And they weren't just your average Joe or Jane. They were hard-core, tatted-up, worn down by life looking people, who as pastor Crow said, "might have just missed hell by a minute." I was moved to tears to say the least. If you want to watch the service we experienced on Easter Sunday, you can do so by clicking here.

Ode to Milt!

Today I get to celebrate another friend! Another friend in the group of girls I mentioned in my previous post. Elizabeth Vaught, often, and more preferably known as "Milton" (her maiden name), pretty much rocks my face off. At least she makes me laugh until I feel like my face is going to fall off. She is the friend that gives you the sore cheeks from laughing so hard. She can dance with the best of 'em...she's super creative and always makes great gifts...she's so thoughtful...she's so ghetto, but so wallflower all at the same time (how does one even accomplish that?)...I could go on for days!

But most importantly, and what Milt has poured into my life, is loads of wisdom and truth. She is a wise sage at a very youthful age, and she is so Proverbs 31 to the point that I'm jealous! She loves Jesus and it shows by the way she lives her life as a true friend, a loving mother, and an awesome wife (I think Christian would second that!). Instead of a WWJD bracelet, I want a WWMD bracelet for "What Would Milt Do?" ; )

Milt, I've learned so much from you in the time we have been friends, and you are one of my very best friends...near and dear to the heart. Thank you for loving me (always!), for sharing your heart with me, and for being the amazing you that you are! So tonight, we shall go fill our bellies with pizza and shake our booties to some 80's at Boom Kinetic in YOUR honor, celebrating YOU, friend! Can't wait!

Happy Birthday, Milt!

A Season Full of New Beginnings...

If you are anything like me, you are SO SUPER thankful for new beginnings! Taking with you what you've learned through experiences in life so far, and a chance to start fresh. New beginnings can be refreshing, challenging, exciting, scary...a whole range of emotions all wrapped up in one. This has definitely been a season of new beginnings for us.

New Beginning #1: As you all well know by now, Dan and I were married on December 6th, 2008. I have felt the need to blog about that experience, but find it so overwhelming to think about actually capturing it in the confines of text in this blogosphere. I don't want to do it any injustice or leave ANYTHING out. So in effort to preserve it, all I can say is it was THE most perfect day in my life...more than I ever dreamed it would be. I married the man of my dreams who is perfect in EVERY way for just me. It brings me more joy than anything I have ever experienced to say that we did things "right," according to what we believe God intended for our dating relationship and marriage to look like. With no guilt or shame, only joy and excitement bubbling over, that day was the greatest day of my life. We are loving learning each other, growing together and being full-time roomies! I love waking up every morning and thinking, "I have the best husband ever." Here are some pics of our day....courtesy of the one, the only, Brooke Robinson

As much as I love new beginnings, they often require a goodbye. This brings me to my second "new beginning".

New Beginning #2: Because of the life I led in my past, I have often cycled friends in and out of my life. It was only when I started walking with the Lord that I realized what true friendship was and what it was always intended to be. With that realization, I have been blessed over the past four years with life-long friends...girls I know deeply, make every attempt to invest in, and know they truly care for me. One of those friends is my friend Jenny Robertson (now Shelby...YAY!). I met Jenny through a random series of events about 5 years ago when she was living in Little Rock working for the American Heart Association, and I participated in an event in Conway with my mom, who had recently had open heart surgery. It wasn't until two years later, when Jenny moved back to Fayetteville, that our path's crossed again on a mission trip to Gulfport to do hurricane relief work. That was the beginning of one of my most treasured friendships...one that makes life so much sweeter. Jenny understands me like very few do. I can tell her ANYTHING...and I mean ANYTHING...and she will love me unconditionally. We laugh harder together than I laugh with just about anyone. We have cried pretty hard together too. Jenny holds a precious place in my heart for showing me what real friendship looks like. Jenny was married last month to Matt Shelby, the PERFECT man for her, and they moved to Green Bay, WI. Though it's so hard to be away from her, and I miss her terribly, our friendship is one that spans miles and miles. I love you, Jenny, and miss your face!

New Beginning #3: This past week has been the most recent series of goodbye's, but also some hello's! We said goodbye to Transfer and CLC last week. It was hard....really hard...but we know the Lord has called us to Victory Church, so there is MUCH peace in that! CLC has been Dan's family for the past five years, and they are so wonderful. We have felt so loved by the kids at Transfer and the congregation at CLC, and feel blessed to have been part of that ministry. Dan spoke in both services on Sunday morning, and as his wife, I feel the liberty to say, HE BROUGHT IT! He was amazing. He shared is heart, and I think his heart is beautiful. You can watch or listen to his talk here. Dan will transition to OKC on Saturday of this week, with his first youth service there being next Wednesday! We went over last Saturday for a little party with the youth leaders, and had a BLAST! We are SOOO excited to be a part of this new ministry, and can't wait to see what God has in store. We know it's going to be HUGE! We are so hungry to be used, and KNOW this is just the place. We have been so welcomed and accomodated, and already love the heart of this church and the people there. Please continue to pray for us as we make this big step!

Last little new beginning tid-bit, and this is funny...as you know, we are trying to sell/rent/barter/trade for gummy bears...whatever we can get...our house here right now. We are working with an agent who is a dear friend of ours, and he found a renter! For some reason, I was wanting to meet this person...not sure why...just did. Apparently, this is not the norm in the renting process, so I was told by my husband who knows all. ; ) But, I still wanted to meet the potential renter. When our agent told the person about this request, they were frustrated because we had strung them out for a week, and were now wanting to meet them and they needed to make a decision...understandable. When Dan was telling me all of this, I said in all of my girliness and glory, "Dan! This is OUR house! I LOVE this house! We watched our first movie together in this house! We fell in love in this house! We had our first kiss in this house! We came home to this house after we got married!!!" I didn't have to add anything else to my list because he was looking at me like I was NUTS! Finally, I said, "I think I'm too emotionally attached...you just handle this." And so he is, and I believe we have it rented!! GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!