Now THAT'S a Wedding Processional!

WHY? WHY? WHY?????? Didn't I think of this!?!? Genius, and we totally would have pulled it off. Too bad it's a once-in-a-lifetime deal. : ) Njoy!

There's more where that came from...

Last weekend I got to go home to Arkansas to spend some much needed time with the fam. Some that I haven't seen in too, too long, and other's that I am blessed to talk to and see more often. Regardless of how often I see or hear from them, I love them all, and it was so good to exchange hugs, many laughs, and be at rest with the ones you cherish most.

A vital part of that fam is my Grandpa Chancellor. As I mentioned in my previous post, he turns my heart to absolute mush. I talked to him on the phone Thursday evening and told him I was going to come see him in Malvern on Saturday. He was so excited! I asked him if he wanted me to bring him some "sweetnin'," which is his word for "dessert." He said, in the sweetest voice, "Nah...you just give me a kiss and that'll be sweetnin' enough." Presh!

Here is a picture of my precious Grandpa. Poor thing. He was feeling awful that day. In fact, we found out his blood pressure that day was 90/18, which is dangerous stroke territory! Luckily my little sis, Whit-Whit, is a nurse and she was able to direct him on how to get it back up with his medications. Whew! No matter how bad he felt, he managed to pop off one of his hilarious Grandpa Chancellor-isms, that Whit and I have come to love more than just about anything in this world. The way he shows affection has historically been that of a second grader who pushes girls on the playground to tell them he thinks they are pretty alright. When some might say, "I am so glad you're my granddaughter" followed by an embrace, we have always gotten "Who's girl are you!????" with his dukes up in the air, as if he was looking for a good fight. He also regularly throws out the fact that he is going to "drop kick" one or both of us. I think our all time favorite, though, is when he told us to sit really close to each other on the couch so that he could knock both of us out with one punch! Oh man. I have NEVER laughed that hard in my life! Anyway, this past Saturday, he came at it a different way. Instead of physical harm, he was going to use a scare tactic. Imagine, if you will, an 83-year-old man who talks like Boomhauer from King of the Hill. In all seriousness, he said, "You almost walked in on a stranger!!! I found a long wig out in the shed and was gonna put it on with some earrings, and you'da thought I's a stranger!" I cracked up. The man...never, EVER know what you're going to get. I sure do love him.

When I got home Sunday night, we had Questions and Answers night with our small group of teenagers. (I say small, but it's really about 40 kids) Q&A night is where they can ask ANY question that's on their mind, and we'll try to answer it to the best of our ability. One girl asked if we thought someone could really die of a broken heart when someone they love passes away before them. That hit close to home after my visit with my Grandpa. He has gone downhill significantly in health since my Grandma passed away last September. That question combined with being a newlywed, has really made me think a lot this week about losing someone you love, whether a spouse, a child, a parent, a sibling...even a close friend. Of course I believe that our death is written in our book of life from the beginning. It comes as no surprise to our God if someone passes away soon after the loss of a loved one. However, more than a broken heart could devastate you to the point of death, I think a broken spirit is the cause of it all. My Grandpa and Grandma had been together their whole lives basically. In her last years, he cared for her in the most admirable, loving, committed way...the way all of us long to be loved and cared for. I am so thankful I have grown up with that example of commitment and marriage before me. So thankful. I know that when my Grandma was finally gone, his tired spirit went with her....that was his lifeblood, and I believe what caused his heart to beat. Without your heartbeat, the body shuts down. I believe it's the same without the spirit.

I also looked through old family photos at my Grandpa's house for a Chancellor family history web site we recently found. It was so fun to ask my Grandpa who everyone was, what they were doing, where they were, what happened to them, etc. It did my heart good to see that spirit back in him as he relived moments and relationships while looking at those photos with my dad, mom, and me. It sweetly reminded me that we were created for relationships and fellowship. We were created to love one another and do life together. To care for each other and hold each other up, no matter the distance between us. It also reminded me that families are such a gift from God. My family is wonderful. On both sides, and I am blessed for that. All that to say, love on each other...tell each other you love one another and why...laugh together, and let your spirit soak up every moment together on this side of Heaven. Life is short, but life is precious, and life is good.

Tears

Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they
are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.
~Charles Dickens, Great Expectations, 1860

Not sure what the cause, but I am SO weepy lately. I can't decide if I am in a season where I am surrounded by more sorrowful situations, or if my heart is just overflowing with sensitivity and compassion, more than ever before. Either way, poor Dan. He has to hear it and see it all the time. Some of the things making me flow like a faucet lately...

1. Old men. I can't handle them. I bawl...immediately. They hurt my heart in unexplainable ways. It really, truthfully feels like someone is standing on my chest when I see an elderly man. I have to turn away. I tell this story all the time, but when I was younger, I was banned from going on children's choir trips to nursing homes to sing Christmas carols because I would cry the entire time. It's so bad, that the girls in my youth group wrote a song about my old man "handicap" entitled, "Oh, the little old man!"
   
   
2. Going hand-in-hand with old men, is my Grandpa, Raymond Chancellor. He absolutely breaks my heart. He is (with the exception of my Dad) the best man alive. He is the sweetest, most loving, generous, hard-working, God-fearing, "salt of the earth", obedient, funniest man I have ever met. I could spend every day, all day with him and never grow tired or bored. He has provided for my dad's brothers and their children, his whole life...giving them anything and everything they have ever needed to survive in life. He cared for my Grandma, the love of his life that he married when she was 15, so willingly and selflessly until she passed away last September with Lupus and Parkinson's. Today, he is still working heavy machinery to repair roads in southern Arkansas at the age of 83 to care for my dad's brothers and their kids. (Don't even get me started on that!) Dan had to comfort me a week or so ago when I heard that he was seen picking up and paying for the prescriptions for all who live under his roof after a long hard day at work. I was sobbing on the couch out of helplessness. I would move in with him tomorrow and care for him until he goes to be with my Grandma, if I could. I love that man with every bit of my aching heart. It pains me to not be able to help him and love him every day. I have tears now.
   
   
3. The thought of not being able to have kids. Now, I have ZERO idea why I even think about this. Dan and I have just begun "trying" (whatever that means) to start a family. However, I, at times, am completely crippled with the fear of not being able to have kids. I just can't imagine the pain. I am one who has wanted kids since I was a kid myself. Getting married later in life presents a sense of urgency in that. I know God has such a plan for us though. His ways and timing are always WAY more exciting and perfect than mine, so we shall wait to see what He has!
   
   
4. Another hand-in-hand is the idea of adopting babies. I have such a heart for the hurting and less fortunate. Dan and I have always said we would like to have two or three of our own, and then adopt one or two from another country. We even talk about where we would want them to be from. Given my love for Africa, I always say somewhere in Africa. Dan being from South America, always says Paraguay, etc. However, yesterday I became Facebook friends with a sweet friend that I used to work with in college. She and her husband have adopted two little girls from an orphanage in Vietnam in the past three years. She is a professional photographer, and has done a beautiful job of documenting their story and their little lives as they unfold. In one day, I am obsessed. Check out her blog, and you will be too. Needless to say, if we ever adopt, I will be contacting my friend Kelly, and heading to Vietnam. Done, and done.

Those are just a few things that are top of the mind, but I also cried today watching "16 and Pregnant" on MTV, and "Wedding Day" on TLC. I teared up on Friday when I found out that a man that I reached out to on Facebook to help me with the geneaology on my dad's side of the family was in fact, my second cousin. Oh, and I cried in the movie "Up" last week, but it's about a little old man, so that was a given.

Again, not sure what is going on, but I love to cry, so I'm okay with it. It shows my heart is still working, and in a family chock-full of heart disease, that is a GOOOOOOD thing!

Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either.
~Golda Meir

Too Much of a Good Thing!

So, I'm a TOTAL TLC JUNKIE!!!! From What Not To Wear, Say Yes to the Dress, Jon & Kate Plus Eight, Cake Boss, 18 Kids and Counting, Toddlers and Tiaras, Baby Story, Mystery Diagnosis, Little Couple to all of the Biggest, Tallest Person(s) shows. You name it, I watch it...and make my husband watch them too. God love him!


Well, last Friday night, I had a dream. I had a dream that Dan and I found out we were pregnant. The way I found out was that I was somehow hanging out with Michelle Duggar, the mom from 18 Kids and Counting: The Duggar Story. Many of you know that the Duggar's are from northwest Arkansas, where we used to live. Anyway, they are like local celebs to us, and I think they are the absolute SWEETEST family in the world! But, back to the dream. I was hanging out with Mrs. Duggar, who OWNED her own ultrasound machine. Why wouldn't you after 18 kids???? I mean, sounds reasonable enough! She was giving herself an ultrasound, which is how she always found out she was pregnant (in the dream), and decided to give me one where she found that I too, was preggers!

So I woke up to tell Dan, thinking he would laugh hysterically at what I have resulted to dreaming about. After he laughed, he officially grounded me from watching TLC, citing an overdose. I told him it could be worse! I could be dreaming about us getting a divorce from watching Jon & Kate Plus Eight! ; ) So he's asleep now...and I'm watching TLC. Shhhhh! ; )