Heart Day #1

Tuesday is my least favorite day of the week. Hands down. It's a lull, a drag, a big fat pain in the you know what. So, in an effort to lift my spirits on Tuesdays, I am going to post a whole slew of things I heart. So instead of being "hard days," Tuesdays will now be known as "heart days." Here's the first dose of things that make me warm and fuzzy and giddy and well, just lovely things...

J'adore this bed and the wallpaper (that's a dirty word)! I am obsessed with this vintage pram! Our baby needs this. Too bad I would have to sell our baby to pay for it! Actively searching for a knock-off.

My Cashy kitty. I might heart him the most off all these things.

Beautiful bassinet. I love you.

Love the horizontal stripes and the lamps hanging above the crib in this nursery.

Love the birds on the ceiling in this nursery!

This nursery is INCREDIBLE!!!! One of our faves for sure!

I just want to drink the pink in this room! And the mom looks like my Brookie!

LOVE the dust ruffles under these cribs! Gorgeous!

I love everything about this girly nursery. Precious!

And last but not least...I heart Sesame Street and Feist FOR SURE!

First Baby MUST-HAVE!!

This is the first of many, I'm sure...but if we have a little girly-girl, you can COUNT on her rockin' these....

You + Me...and BABY makes 3!

I know...I know...I am terrible at keeping up with my blogging. When I really think about all that has happened in our lives over the past year that I HAVEN'T blogged about, I feel like a world-class loser! I promise to be better. I HAVE to be better, because...

WE ARE HAVING A BABY!!

That's right...we are going to be parents on (or around) September 17, 2010! We have known for about eight weeks now, and it is still just as exciting to say it as it was when I walked out of that bathroom with a positive pregnancy test in my hand! We were so shocked...so excited...and SO SHOCKED!!

We have been "trying" to get pregnant...well, really just "not preventing" it...since we got married. If you know me well at all, you know I am not a proponent of birth control. Not for any religious reasons, but just not being completely comfortable in my spirit with it FOR ME. We also want as many babies as God wants to give us (hence the reason I LOVE the Duggars!). We had actually stopped "trying", using ovulation strips, etc. in December when we closed on the house. We knew this dwelling was going to take every bit of energy, time, and resources we had, so we just put it on the back-burner. I also had a much-anticipated appointment with a hormone specialist in January that would tell us for sure if we were ovulating correctly and hopefully FINALLY explain my spotting between periods for the past two years. Out of that appointment, they confirmed that my progesterone levels were "normal" and that I had ovulated in January. They sent me skipping away with the word that we should be good to go when everything settles down for us, and "to pretend like we were 16-year-old's in the backseat of a car because they don't want to get knocked up and they do." No joke. The doctor said that to me.

The week after that appointment, I was EXHAUSTED! We had been working for nearly two months on the house and I was plumb tuckered OUT! I was also STARVING like I never had been before...craving the most random things at the same time...which is not too far off for me since I am a food junkie at her finest. Something inside me just kept asking, "are you pregnant?" But I KNEW I wasn't because of the doctor's appointment the week before...so I dismissed. Finally, one Sunday when I couldn't even pry myself off the couch to go to church that morning, I asked Dan to pick up a pregnancy test on his way home from church. Now, had we been really trying and expecting, I would have taken the test by myself and surprised him with the results somehow. But, I KNEW it was going to be negative, so I just hopped up and went in the bathroom and took it, with Dan on the couch watching some man show. The next steps go like this...

1. Pee on stick
2. Notice dominant pink stripe coming through
3. Wait a few and don't see anything else coming through, confirming what I thought
4. Get up and wash hands
5. Out of the corner of my eye see not one, but TWO pink stripes in the window of the test...PREGO!
6. Emerge from bedroom
7. Yell, "Dan! You better get in here! That thing is positive!"
8. Assume it was user error and plan on taking the second test of the 2-pack in the morning
9. Take another test the next morning which is VERY positive!
10. Make appointment with family doctor who confirms the results with a blood test and informs us that we are about five weeks pregnant.
11. Jump, scream, shout, thank Jesus for giving us this baby, pray for health, swear each other to secrecy for the next 10 weeks until we are in the clear

Over the next weeks we found out that my progesterone was IN FACT low, not "normal," so I am taking progesterone for 12 weeks to even me out. That explains why the hormone specialist didn't know I was pregnant when I was in. My progesterone LOOKED "normal" to them, when in fact, it was high for me since I was pregnant. We have also seen our little chicken nugget twice since then, the last time being last Monday when it had its foot in its mouth and the heart beat sounded like a racing horse. (See pic below) Now we are just basking in the thoughts and dreams of being parents...and trying to put together a plan to get this house that we thought we had all the time in the world to finish, finished in 6 months! Not to mention a nursery! (Monetary donations and donations of time are being accepted)


I have never been this sleepy in my life. I have never spent more time in my pajamas, hair in a pony tail, and no make-up in my life. I am just lethargic. It's all I can do to get in the door and in my pj's after work. Praying that part goes away soon, because I am a busy-body at heart and this is killin' me. I have not been that sick though...can I get a hallelujah?? I have been pretty consistenly nauseas, but never sick, sick, sick, proving that God is not just good...He is GREAT!

I have dreamed of this since I was little girl. I am a mother at heart, and have always known it. If you have kids, I have probably loved them as if they were my own at some point in time. I have a heart for children, and have longed for nothing more in life than to be a wife and a mother. God gave me both in a little over a year. Mmmm....so sweet.

So now, we just wait and pray for our little one. Pray for it to grow, grow, grow into a healthy, beautiful, sweet little thing. Pray for it to experience love from us and Jesus before it even enters the world. Pray for it to have a life of joy, passion, purity, kindness, and love for Jesus and others. We have loved this baby since it was just a thought, and pray it feels that already.

Thanks for celebrating with us. YAY! Stay tuned for more baby bid'ness!

Hiatus

It's been a while! Since the last time I posted, Dan and I closed on the house I previously blogged about, and have been living in renovation and remodeling heaven...sometimes it has been hell, not gonna lie. We have sanded until our fingerprints and fingernails are no more, caulked until our hands hurt from pulling the trigger, sledge hammered and torn out until our shoulders can't take anymore, etc. However, we are ALMOST there!

Y'all, my husband...ohhhhhhhhh my husband is so many things! He is Superman, Bob the Builder, Handy Manny, and well...he's just my hero. He has pulled all the weight in this remodel and has built something both of us really never dreamed we would have. He has been a plumber, a carpenter, a painter, a sheet rock hanger, a wall texturer, a tile layer...you name it, he's done it. He is amazing, and everytime I am grateful for this house, I am over-the-top grateful for him and his hard work.

We are also so grateful to all of our friends who helped us out with this project. It has been seven weeks of intense labor and we couldn't have done it without you...you know who you are. We also want to thank our family and friends for their patience with us. We haven't seen or even talked to most of our loved ones in seven weeks, as we have been at the house every free second before and after work for that time. We can't wait to reconnect, and hopefully have you all come visit soon!

The plan was to move in this weekend, but have been set back because of the ice storm. We will move in next weekend, and I will post more pics then! The pics below are organized by room in the house and show progression from beginning until the first coat of wood paint went on last week. I don't have pics of the final woodwork yet because I haven't been able to get over there in the ice. Keep your cursor at the bottom of the photo to read the caption.

Sorry it has taken me so long to post these! I really haven't had a spare second until now. Enjoy!

He Gives & Takes Away

What a past couple of weeks Dan and I have had! As MANY of you know, we have been anticipating the closing of our new house. Apparently there REALLY was a mortgage debacle, and I can now say with all confidence that has to be easier to get guns through airport security than to go through the loan process right now. It has been two months of jumping through hoops to get information that seems absolutely ridiculous to outsiders, but the underwriters need it for some unknown reason. Two months. We were originally supposed to close on October 27th. Well that date came and went in the blink of an eye. Since then, we have been told time and time again that we will close in a couple of days. Those days come and go, and we stare in anticipation at another closing date a couple days later. Needless to say, we have felt similar to cards in the spoke of a bicycle wheel...around and around and around and around, hitting our heads with every turn of the wheel. It has been two months of HIGH anxiety and waiting. If you know me, you know that patience is the very LEAST of my virtues. That "Type A" personality just doesn't allow for it.

All things said and done, we have just been hoping to close before the Thanksgiving holiday so we would have days to work on this house without having to take vacation days from work. We also have a sweet friend moving to OKC from South Dakota who is going to live with us for a while and she will be here tomorrow. When we didn't have a closing date at the beginning of this week, we started to get a bit panicked. We were calling our poor lender every couple of hours asking for updates. After all, it HAS been two months and they have everything but our elementary school report cards and blood samples. As we drew closer to Thanksgiving day, we knew this was not looking good. Finally on Wednesday morning, our lender yanked our file out of underwriting and asked them to push it up to the Regional Manager because nothing was being done on it. The good news is that they responded within 30 minutes of that call. The bad news is, they filed us as a risk and denied our loan after having our file for two months...just like that. Our lender was so upset, and told us that he knows they just got mad with us pushing and looked for the first "risky" item to deny us. That risky item was the fact that Dan does roofing on the side, and has done quite a bit in the past few months. What??? Wouldn't that make you feel safer knowing that if something were to happen to one of our salaried jobs, we would still be able to bring in income???? So, we have reapplied with another lender, and hopefully they can push it through for us this week. Not cool. What's a girl gotta do to be in a home? The worst part was that we felt completely blind sided. We were both made to think that it wasn't a matter of "if" we were going to close, but "when." Hard stuff.

Needless to say, we were pretty bummed on Wednesday. The thought of not getting this house is just too much to bear right now. I can't even go there in my mind, but have to prepare myself for whatever may come at the same time. All the plans we have made are tentatively on hold until we know more. We already have things moved into the garage of this home. However, God totally smiled on us Wednesday in the midst of our grief and frustration. Dan was getting ready for youth service when he heard a little cry from the bushes outside of the youth building. He kept hearing it and hearing it, growing louder and louder. A pitiful little cry. When he started looking, he saw a little kitten buried deep in the bushes, scared to death. He worked to get his hands on it, and finally did. He took it inside and let some of the youth girls comfort the little baby until I could get over there. When I got there, it was over. That kitty was no longer homeless. He is the sweetest little thing. He is a chocolate brown, long-haired kitten with bright green eyes. He is SOOOOOO lovey, but he is super scared. He limps on his back leg and has a tail that is broken off about 2/3 of the way up, so it makes a hard 90 degree angle and just hangs on the tip. When he is not running from hiding place to hiding place, he will let you love on him and just purrs and purrs. He is precious.

We took him to the vet yesterday to have his leg and tail looked at, as well as his overall health examined. We found out that he is about 9-10 weeks old, and is pretty sicky. He was running a fever of about 103.7, which would be about 101.7 in humans. The doctor seemed to think he had probably been attacked and bitten by a larger animal, which explained the leg, tail, and fever. He also had some fleas and roundworms. He was treated for all of those, and given an antibiotic to take for the next seven days. Poor little guy. He's had a rough run for the first few weeks of his life. Wednesday was his lucky day. He found a home where two people will absolutely adore him. It hurts my heart to think about where he came from and how he has been living. He is so scared of humans. We can love on him and he purrs, but the second you put him down, he is instantly afraid again. It will take him a while, but we know he is going to be just fine. We are trying to name him, and thinking Jett, Sambo (Sam), or Rocco. Little cutie.

So see, the Lord DOES give and takeaway. We are being taught serious trust right now, but in the midst of that, we can see that the Lord gave us a little special gift to show us He loves us and also to keep our minds off our current situation during the Holiday weekend. Pray for us if you think about it. Pray for this house and for our hearts. Also pray for our little kitty to heal and feel at home with us. He found us Wednesday, we didn't find him. He has already brought new love into our home. Sweet little baby.

18 Kids...AND Jenn

Can't believe I haven't posted these pics of my time spent with my favorite family (other than my own) in the entire world! THE DUGGARS! Most definitely two of my favorite pics EVER! And yes, they are as sweet in person as they are on the show, 18 Kids & Counting. Thank you, Brooke, for letting me experience this with you!

Oh, hi Jim-Bob and Michelle! Happy 25th Anniversary (and congrats on #19 in the oven!!!!)

Just kickin' it with the Duggar girls! Jessa, my FAVE, is to my left. Happy day!
I asked them if they got to pick out their bridesmaid dresses, and they said they made them...of COURSE they did! Silly me!

Our Not-So-Nice Neighbor

So, as you know, we are buying this new house. The GOOD news is, they have agreed to fix the AC! Woop! Woop! We are pumped about that! We were supposed to close yesterday, but they aren't starting the work until this Friday. Hopefully we will close a week from today! The BAD news lies in a little adventure that started a week ago tomorrow...last Thursday.

My little sis, Whit, was in town last week. I love it when she is here. She's my BFF. I knew we couldn't get into the house since we have it under contract, but wanted to walk her around the outside of the house to look in the windows. Now, let me back track to the week before when we were there getting bids to repair the AC. It was dark, and the last company was outside examining the AC units. They came in quickly and said, "Umm...a dog just busted through your fence from your neighbor's backyard!" We were standing in the living room, and sure enough, there at the back door was a black dog. We really didn't think much about it, and I guess I just assumed he had gotten in by digging or something. We left that night, and I hadn't thought about it since. Now, fast forward to me walking around the house with Whit...

We had just walked through the rod-iron gate to the backyard, and were looking in the window to the mother-in-law suite, when Whit said, "Uh-oh!" Then I saw in the reflection in the window, what was obviously the dog who had busted through the fence standing about 20 feet behind us, on point (front paw raised, ears raised, and tail straight up in the air). We were really still, and tried to act like everything was okay. I was really wanting to see what the dog would do before we moved. He went over to a bush, went #1 (pee), then started crouching toward us. I told Whit, who was closer to the gate about 8 feet away, to GO! She went as quickly as she could and I was right behind her. But as we were moving, so was he...and QUICKLY! I BARELY made it through the gate before he lunged at the gate, barking viciously and biting. I had to hold the gate closed with all of my body weight just to keep him from us; then when he rared back to come at us again, I was able to reach down quickly and lock the gate. We were both so scared. He was inches from getting me before I got to the gate. Whit's phone was in the car, and there was NO WAY she could have gotten him off of me if he had attacked me. We also noticed that there were several places where he had, in fact, busted through the fence...taking out 2x4's and all. There was also a note on the front door where people who were there to do inspections and other work on the house could not complete their work because they couldn't get in the back yard. Here is a pic I found online of what the dog looks like. He is obviously a Pit Bull/Boxer mix, and I'm pretty sure his name is something like "Lucifer" or "Satan."

When we left that day, I called our WONDERFUL realtor, who said the listing agent had been over to the neighbor's about the dog three times and no one was home. Then I called animal control, who said all they could do is go out to the neighbor's house and talk to them. They couldn't go onto the property if he was contained. I talked to a friend whose kids were attacked by Boxers in their neighborhood when they were little, and she was telling me there isn't much you can do legally unless they actually attack and are willing to pay in a law suit. I was getting discouraged, and told Dan on Saturday that this might be a deal-breaker for me if we can't do anything about it. One of the things we loved most about this house was the backyard, and the fact that we could have our youth over to play all the time. As it stood, we couldn't even get three feet in our backyard with that dog. So, we called our realtor again and told her how concerned I was. She said the listing agent had gone over again, and they said it wasn't their dog. PERFECT! Now we have a rabid STRAY dog, and animal control could surely take him!

I drove by again on Sunday, and there he was, coming from the neighbor's yard. This time I stood outside the gate, and he ran full speed at the gate and hit it head on trying to get to me, barking and biting the whole time. VICIOUS! I called animal control AGAIN, and they said they would send someone out to file a complaint, and call me before so I could meet them there. Then they could go on the property. They never called.

All the while, I felt like Dan might have thought I was exaggerating just a bit. He hadn't ever seen the dog himself, and I think he thought if he went over, there would be a chihuahua in the backyard. So Monday morning, I sent him over by himself and asked him to simply walk up to the gate and say, "Hello." I also gave him Animal Control's number. It didn't take him long to call them when he got there, as the dog was back and mean as ever. He called them with the dog right next to him going nuts so they could hear it. They said they would send someone out, but 2.5 hours later, nothing. He called them again, and finally they told us that we weren't a priority because no one had been bitten. So, we called the Police, telling them we had called Animal Control four times, and they wouldn't come out. We were supposed to close on this house, and a stray dog was preventing us from doing so.

The police came out and handled it immediately. He called Animal Control and told them to get their butt's over there and get this crazy dog. He went to the neighbor's where he was told they didn't have a Pit Bull/Boxer, but had a Lab/German Shepherd. The policeman made the owner walk him around back, and as soon as they walked into the yard, the dog charged at the policeman. The owner had to grab him by the collar and hold him the entire time. The policeman told him that was, in fact, a Pit Bull, and he had to keep him INSIDE the house at all times, and repair the fence immediately, or they were going to come back and take the dog. When the policeman came back over to our house to make sure the dog was in, he walked into the backyard with his gun drawn...THAT'S the caliber of dog we are dealing with. Animal Control finally showed up, and went over to give the neighbor a warning. If that dog so much as sticks his NOSE on our property, WE (Dan and I) will have the choice whether they take the dog and issue him a ticket starting at $7500 to get the dog back, or file Dangerous Dog charges against them, and if he is found guilty, the dog will have to be put down.

So, for now it's handled. I can't say I feel completely safe in the backyard just yet. The fence isn't repaired, and I'm anxious to see how long that dog is kept in the house. I do feel better knowing now that there is a record in Public Services, Animal Control has to respond IMMEDIATELY to any call we make about this dog, and we have the choice of what is done with him. The policeman told me that if that dog had gotten a hold of me last Thursday, he would have killed me. That's not cool. Not cool at all, dawg!! I feel safe to say, my hubby would probably take care of him first if it came to that!

That Hamster Wheel Called "Life"

Well, life has been crazy, y'all. For reals. So crazy that I haven't blogged since 'Nam! Sorry 'bout that. But I find myself home alone tonight, and all I want to do is dump this brain. Bear with me, this could be lengthy...

Update since my last post...we did NOT get the house below. As I expected, our highest offer, and their lowest asking price had a big gap between them. We didn't even counter back, which made the realtor a little mad, but the price just wasn't smart for us, so we went on our merry way...to a foreclosure in a neighborhood close to the one I grew up in. This house was DIRT CHEAP, and more house than I believed we would ever live in!!! It needed some work, but we were excited about that. My hubs is bomb at construction and renovations, and the profit we were going to turn if we sold one day was SICK! I literally had $ $ for eyeballs! So we made an offer...the first one in the five months the house had been on the market...or so we thought. Turns out another couple made an offer an hour before we did. What are the chances? The listing agent told our realtor that our offer was higher, so we felt good! The bank came back a day later and asked for best and highest offers to be submitted by a certain time. We went full price, and the other couple "said" they weren't going to resubmit an offer. The house was as good as ours. However, they came in at the very last minute and made an offer lower than ours, but with a loan that is more beneficial to the bank in a foreclosure situation. So, we lost house number 3, and I was HEARTBROKEN over this one somethin' fierce! We fought for this one...tooth and nail, and I felt like I had been knocked out after 12 rounds. I had completely moved into that sucker in my mind. Shoot. I had things in the attic and the Christmas tree up, for cryin' out loud! I told Dan after many, many sobbing tears that it felt like a horrible break-up. Like I would never be able to even LOOK at another house, because nothing will EVER be better than that one! How many times have we all said THAT, only to find the next one usually IS better?? Can I get an "Amen?"

Well, it did get better. Along came the house one THUNDERBIRD Drive! I like to say it like the Nascar commercials, "SUNDAY! SUNDAY! SUUUUUNNNNNDDDDAYYYYYY!!!" Say it with me in that deep voice, with your chin down..."THHHHHUUUUNNNNNDDDEEERRRBBBIIRRRRDDDD DRRIIIIVVVVVEEEE!" Fun, huh? ; ) Totally Oklahoma. All we need is a Dream Catcher on the door. This house is in a neighborhood that has a golf course and country club, which is why it has maintained its value through the years. It was built in 1977 by a couple who were its only owners until they both passed away early this year. The house is now owned by their five kids through their trust, and they are ready to get rid of it. Again, it needs work, but that's what I am looking for. It would almost be a shame with Dan's talent NOT to buy somewhat of a fixer-upper. And with the $8K tax credit, we'll have the money to do it. Anyway, this 2,900sf, 4 bed/3 bath/2 living/formal dining sucker was listed way out of our price range, so I wasn't really sure why we were even looking at it with our realtor. But she convinced me, and we made an offer that day...a LOOOOOOOOWWW offer, at that. I thought, 'what the heck do we have to lose at this point??' The sellers came back the next day and simply asked if we could pay $1,000 over our original offer and close three days earlier! In the words of my beloved Napolean Dynomite, "HECK YES WE CAN!" And it was done. Just as easy as that! Or so we thought...

We had inspections on Monday, and in older homes in OK, the HVAC duct work was run through the foundation with vents in the floor. After receiving some great advice from a dear friend, we decided to pay to have the duct work scoped with a video camera to see if they were still in tact. Guess what...they weren't. And with that size of a house, there are TWO AC units, one on each side. They both need to be replaced, and all duct work needs to be run through the attic. Our loan won't be approved until its done. So, we have spent the past couple days getting, oh, anywhere from $16,800 to $20,000 bids to have the work done. The listing agent will present the estimates to the seller tomorrow, and we will go from there. The good thing is, they stand to make 100% profit off of this home since it is paid off, so anything they spend will just be backed out of that. The bad news is, they are basically GIVING us the house already. Our fear is that they will fix it, then put it back on the market touting new AC units and ducts to get a higher offer. Either way, they will HAVE to fix the problem, or disclose the inspection findings to every potential buyer down the road. So again we wait, with hopeful hearts. Not sure what I will do if we lose this one. I love this house. It's a home. Our home. You can almost feel the love that lived there for years. Mmmm...good stuff.

Outside of the house hunting, we have been busier than I can remember...ever. Could just be that we are still in transition, so nothing much feels settling, but shoot, I'm slammed! We are right at the launch of the two-year capital campaign at Victory called "Light A Fire", and it's ALL marketing, ALL THE TIME! I love the purpose and passion behind LAF, which includes my hubs getting a new youth building (YEE-HAW!). But I have learned the dictionary meaning of "Light A Fire" is to "burn the candle at both ends." I have definitely been doing that. It's so going to be worth it though. Every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears poured into this thing. It has been amazing to watch the staff come together to get things done at all costs. We had our first church-wide LAF event last night, which was a Prayer Journey: a night of praise, worship, and strategic prayer over this movement. It was AWESOME to see how the church responded. I believe the Lord is beginning to knit the hearts of Victory Church to the vision of Light A Fire, and it's going to be RIDIC! Better watch out OKC! This fire's gonna spread pretty quickly!

All that to say, I'm tired. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror today, and it made me sad. I have actually had blood tests run in the past week for some health concerns too. I'm just plumb worn-out, and it's written all over my face and "innards." Dan and I run at a rate that would tire most people after just a few days. We have been running at that rate since we got engaged last June...almost a year and a half ago. Constantly rushed. Constantly things on the agenda that you are running to get to. Never any REAL downtime; and IF there ever is, I don't even know what to do with myself. I get so anxious just sitting, because I DON'T have tons to do. That's not good. I told Dan the other day, "We HAVE to slow down. Like, we HAVE to carve out time every week where we literally do nothing, and PROTECT IT like we would our own child!" His response was that it was just "a busy season." I quickly negged that (for those of you who don't know my lingo, that means I shot that down), and told him that we had been saying that since we got engaged. "After the wedding things will slow down. After we move, things will slow down. After we are in a house, things will slow down. After Light A Fire is over, things will slow down." I don't believe it. What I DO believe, is that this busyness has gone from "a season" to "a lifestyle." To the point that I can't function outside of it, and have lost a bit of myself in it. I can make a long list of the things I would like to "do" if I ever got real downtime, but isn't that just being busy again?

I want REAL downtime...where there IS no checklist...not a few hours sandwiched between two calendar items...not a day where I cram in all of the stuff I can't get done any other time, like grocery shopping, house cleaning, taking my FLIPPIN' clothes from the top of the dryer, into my closet, and actually ONTO hangers...ge'ez LOUISE!! REAL DOWNTIME, PEOPLE! Where I can watch all of the girly movies I want to, INCLUDING and not limited to, the Hannah Montana movie, first and foremost (don't you judge me)...where I can sleep without an alarm clock...where I can stay in my pj's all stinkin' day if I want...where my calendar items on my phone don't sound like a handbell choir for the whole day...where I can paint these toenails...where I can just PAINT again! I love to paint and haven't in a year and a half because of this "busyness" thing we have let run our lives.

I'm telling you now though, a new season is coming in the lives of Dan and Jenn. One where we can say "no," and not feel bad. One where we have time for "us" AND for "me." One of health, both physically and spiritually. The Lord has been speaking that over me for a couple of weeks, and I'm clinging desperately to His words. He IS hope for the hopeless...He IS healing for the broken...He DOES carry the weary...He DOES rescue the hurting...He WILL make us whole again. He is THE ONLY ONE who can, and I trust He will do all of those things and more in my poor, weak, tired bones and spirit.

I love me some Brooke Fraser. Sister can SING! But I think more of a gift is her ability to write. If your speakers are up, you are probably listening to some of my favorite tunes right now. One is my favorite Brooke Fraser song called "Shadowfeet". My friend Jenny told me a couple years back that it was my theme song. I agree. To me, it's like the Bible, in that it is living and breathing. The Bible is the only book that reads differently just about every time I pick it up, depending on what "season" in life I am in. This song does that in me too. In this particular season, it speaks to my weariness, to my self-defeat, to my messy spirituality, and to the promise that when I feel so tired that I can't stand, as the song says, "when the world has fallen out from under me, I'll be found in YOU, still standing", that HE "makes ALL things new," and that I even though I'm stumbling at times, I am most definitely "made of different stuff than when I began"...though it doesn't always feel like it.

Scroll down to the music player at the bottom of this page, turn your speakers up loud, click play on "Shadowfeet" (it's number three), then come back up and read these lyrics as she sings. It will make you smile...

Walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
Toward home, a land that I've never seen
I am changing
Less and less asleep
Made of different stuff than when I began
And I have sensed it all along
Fast approaching is the day

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

There's distraction buzzing in my head
Saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
But I've heard rumours of true reality
Whispers of a well-lit way

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

You make all things new

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

When the world has fallen out from under me
I'll be found in you, still standing
Every fear and accusation under my feet
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you
When time and space are through
I'll be found in you

...see...you're smiling, aren't you... ; )

The Impossible...possible??

Many of you know that Dan and I had signed a contract on a house that was in early construction phases at the beginning of July, then were forced to back out of it last week because the builder was being less than honest (and downright shady) with us. Sad day at the Maciuk house. We are trying desperately to take advantage of this $8K tax credit since I am a first-time home buyer. So, the search for our first home in OKC begins again.

Last week, we found an AMAZING older home that has been "flipped" (for those of you HGTV'ers like myself). I mean, the sucker has been gutted like a dead fish, and is brand new on the inside! Not to mention the fact that is is over 1,000 square feet larger than our house in Fayetteville (and 1,500 sf larger than our current apartment!) I can close my eyes and clearly see our youth group piled in the huge living room, sprawled out on the furniture and floor, hanging out with me in the huge kitchen, and spending the night whenever they want! It is the perfect ministry house for us! The price it is listed at is within our price range, but it is at the high end of the comparables sold in that old neighborhood in the past year, because of the upgrades. However, it still needs new windows throughout, as well as a new air conditioner...two HUGE things!

We have been debating on the price to offer for this house, because we know the owners put a lot of blood, sweat and tears, and are highly unlikely to accept our offer of $10,000 less than asking price (to accommodate for new windows in the next few years), PLUS a new AC...however fair WE think the offer is. And our first offer, is as high as we are willing to go, because we don't want to improve the house above it's market value. Not to mention there are other asthetics we would like to fix...paint the exterior brick, hardwood floors in the living, etc. Ugggh!! Last night, being the hopeless pessimist that I can sometimes be, had myself talked out of even making an offer, for fear of being disappointed. I totally know that with God, all things are possible, and that He is in the business of making the things that seem impossible, totally possible! I know that. However, this is REALLY impossible in my mind! But, my always optimistic husband says, "MAKE THE OFFER, AND SEE!" So we shall! The realtor is on his way to my office as I type for us to submit the formal offer. They have until 5:00pm, tomorrow, Wednesday, to respond. Here are some pics...



All that to say...PRAY WITH US!!!!!!!!! And also to say, God is so stinkin' cool! Look at this devotion that was in my inbox after lunch today...just after I had given the realtor the green light to bring the paperwork to me. Unreal...

FAITH IS SPELLED ‘R-I-S-K’

“And all of these, though they won divine approval by [means of] their faith, did not receive the fulfillment of what was promised.” Hebrews 11:39

It always amazes me how many believers are hesitant to claim God's promises because they're afraid they'll be disappointed. Perhaps they feel that if they don't expect too much from God, they can avoid the pain of being let down. I've heard it said that real faith is spelled "R-I-S-K". I think there's a lot of truth to that. It takes a lot of courage to trust God to come through for us when our senses aren't giving us any support. But that's exactly what the Lord expects from us. If you look at the eleventh chapter of Hebrews, you see that God approves of those who put their faith in His promises, whether or not they come to pass. The verse above confirms this. And so does Hebrews 11:13 (NIV): "All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance." The Scriptures reveal that God holds in high esteem those who live by faith and continue to hold on to God's promises, even through long periods of waiting. The fact is, if we really want to please God and reap the rewards He has in store for us, we're going to have to risk putting our faith and trust in Him, even when it looks like the odds are against us. Hebrews 11:6 (NIV) tells us that, "Without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists, and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him."

The first verse of Hebrews gives us a biblical definition of faith: "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." And the next verse reveals that it's this kind of faith that God esteems: "This is what the ancients were commended for." (Hebrews 11:1-2 NIV) The words "sure" and "certain" make it clear that faith is confidence in God and His Word, even when we don't see any tangible evidence to justify that faith. And the verse that follows reveals why our believing in what we don't see isn't just "pie in the sky": “By faith we understand that the entire universe was formed at God’s command, that what we now see did not come from anything that can be seen.” (Hebrews 11:3 NLT) The Creator of the universe isn't the least bit hindered when our circumstances look "impossible." Making something out of nothing is what our God does best.

Now you need to ask yourself how serious you are about pleasing God. If you're really serious, you aren't going to be able to avoid taking risks with your faith. Yes, you're going to experience some disappointments you might have escaped. But I guarantee you this--you're going to witness some miracles in your life that you would have otherwise missed. Hebrews 11:33 (NLT) tells us that "by faith" some of God's people "received what God had promised them." The bottom line is this--whether or not we receive all the promises we believe God for isn't the issue; the issue is whether or not we are living by faith, trusting God with all of our hearts in every circumstance every day of our lives. When we do, along with God's hearty approval, we'll have a peace and joy in our hearts that will enable us to live the abundant life that Jesus came to give us. Today, my heartfelt prayer for you is that you will dare to believe!

Lord, forgive me for the times I've missed Your perfect will because I was fearful or timid. Give me a holy boldness that will dare to believe in Your promises, and to risk disappointment. Help me to keep my eyes on You and Your Word, instead of on my circumstances. Thank You that as I live by faith each day, I'll impact the lives of others with my peace and joy!

Lovey #1 - Miss Sarah Votaw

So I have decided that I love my friends. I love them so much, I am going to tell you ten reasons why I love a different friend once a week. I will call them "Lovey's"...appropriately.

This week, that one is Miss Sarah Votaw!! Sarah is one of our FAVORITE new friends in OKC...and she just happens to be 10 years old! Here are 10 reasons why we love Miss Sarah!

1. She is THE COOLEST dresser in the world! And she dresses herself!
2. She laughs at everything I say
3. She is really, REALLY cute! Even when she just gets out of bed and comes to the office!
4. She is a great singer, and leads worship in VKIDS, the children's ministry at Victory Church
5. She loves cupcakes...we were destined to be friends
6. Dan and I were the only adults invited to her birthday party this year
7. She has the coolest hamster, Humphrey, and almost bought me one for my birthday this year!
8. She loves her family, and always wants to honor them
9. She has a bit of a giraffe obsession, which is good because Dan and I are really tall
AND
10. She made Dan and I feel so loved when we first moved here, and continues to love us even though she knows us well now!

Sarah really is one of the coolest kids ever! If we could keep her, we would! For now, we'll just invite her and Humphrey over to spend the night!