Tears

Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they
are rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.
~Charles Dickens, Great Expectations, 1860

Not sure what the cause, but I am SO weepy lately. I can't decide if I am in a season where I am surrounded by more sorrowful situations, or if my heart is just overflowing with sensitivity and compassion, more than ever before. Either way, poor Dan. He has to hear it and see it all the time. Some of the things making me flow like a faucet lately...

1. Old men. I can't handle them. I bawl...immediately. They hurt my heart in unexplainable ways. It really, truthfully feels like someone is standing on my chest when I see an elderly man. I have to turn away. I tell this story all the time, but when I was younger, I was banned from going on children's choir trips to nursing homes to sing Christmas carols because I would cry the entire time. It's so bad, that the girls in my youth group wrote a song about my old man "handicap" entitled, "Oh, the little old man!"
   
   
2. Going hand-in-hand with old men, is my Grandpa, Raymond Chancellor. He absolutely breaks my heart. He is (with the exception of my Dad) the best man alive. He is the sweetest, most loving, generous, hard-working, God-fearing, "salt of the earth", obedient, funniest man I have ever met. I could spend every day, all day with him and never grow tired or bored. He has provided for my dad's brothers and their children, his whole life...giving them anything and everything they have ever needed to survive in life. He cared for my Grandma, the love of his life that he married when she was 15, so willingly and selflessly until she passed away last September with Lupus and Parkinson's. Today, he is still working heavy machinery to repair roads in southern Arkansas at the age of 83 to care for my dad's brothers and their kids. (Don't even get me started on that!) Dan had to comfort me a week or so ago when I heard that he was seen picking up and paying for the prescriptions for all who live under his roof after a long hard day at work. I was sobbing on the couch out of helplessness. I would move in with him tomorrow and care for him until he goes to be with my Grandma, if I could. I love that man with every bit of my aching heart. It pains me to not be able to help him and love him every day. I have tears now.
   
   
3. The thought of not being able to have kids. Now, I have ZERO idea why I even think about this. Dan and I have just begun "trying" (whatever that means) to start a family. However, I, at times, am completely crippled with the fear of not being able to have kids. I just can't imagine the pain. I am one who has wanted kids since I was a kid myself. Getting married later in life presents a sense of urgency in that. I know God has such a plan for us though. His ways and timing are always WAY more exciting and perfect than mine, so we shall wait to see what He has!
   
   
4. Another hand-in-hand is the idea of adopting babies. I have such a heart for the hurting and less fortunate. Dan and I have always said we would like to have two or three of our own, and then adopt one or two from another country. We even talk about where we would want them to be from. Given my love for Africa, I always say somewhere in Africa. Dan being from South America, always says Paraguay, etc. However, yesterday I became Facebook friends with a sweet friend that I used to work with in college. She and her husband have adopted two little girls from an orphanage in Vietnam in the past three years. She is a professional photographer, and has done a beautiful job of documenting their story and their little lives as they unfold. In one day, I am obsessed. Check out her blog, and you will be too. Needless to say, if we ever adopt, I will be contacting my friend Kelly, and heading to Vietnam. Done, and done.

Those are just a few things that are top of the mind, but I also cried today watching "16 and Pregnant" on MTV, and "Wedding Day" on TLC. I teared up on Friday when I found out that a man that I reached out to on Facebook to help me with the geneaology on my dad's side of the family was in fact, my second cousin. Oh, and I cried in the movie "Up" last week, but it's about a little old man, so that was a given.

Again, not sure what is going on, but I love to cry, so I'm okay with it. It shows my heart is still working, and in a family chock-full of heart disease, that is a GOOOOOOD thing!

Those who do not know how to weep with their whole heart don't know how to laugh either.
~Golda Meir

Too Much of a Good Thing!

So, I'm a TOTAL TLC JUNKIE!!!! From What Not To Wear, Say Yes to the Dress, Jon & Kate Plus Eight, Cake Boss, 18 Kids and Counting, Toddlers and Tiaras, Baby Story, Mystery Diagnosis, Little Couple to all of the Biggest, Tallest Person(s) shows. You name it, I watch it...and make my husband watch them too. God love him!


Well, last Friday night, I had a dream. I had a dream that Dan and I found out we were pregnant. The way I found out was that I was somehow hanging out with Michelle Duggar, the mom from 18 Kids and Counting: The Duggar Story. Many of you know that the Duggar's are from northwest Arkansas, where we used to live. Anyway, they are like local celebs to us, and I think they are the absolute SWEETEST family in the world! But, back to the dream. I was hanging out with Mrs. Duggar, who OWNED her own ultrasound machine. Why wouldn't you after 18 kids???? I mean, sounds reasonable enough! She was giving herself an ultrasound, which is how she always found out she was pregnant (in the dream), and decided to give me one where she found that I too, was preggers!

So I woke up to tell Dan, thinking he would laugh hysterically at what I have resulted to dreaming about. After he laughed, he officially grounded me from watching TLC, citing an overdose. I told him it could be worse! I could be dreaming about us getting a divorce from watching Jon & Kate Plus Eight! ; ) So he's asleep now...and I'm watching TLC. Shhhhh! ; )

Do You Know?

First, I apologize immensely for the "blogging sabbatical"! So much has happened! So much! There are a couple of reasons for the absence. The first of which is lack of words. One of my bestie's, Milt, put it best in her recent blog "On Creating and Resistance". For us creative kind, words can be overwhelming at times. We put so much weight into each individual one, that it's hard to find the *perfect* word to describe each feeling, emotion, thought, etc. to accurately depict the story going on in our heads. And I think that's what they call good 'ol writer's block. All that to say, I've been a bit overwhelmed with all the BIG THINGS that have transpired in our lives over the past month or more, and the thought of just dedicating a few less than *perfect* words to them, makes me want to not write about them at all. That may have to do with the perfectionist in me as well, but that's a whole 'notha blog!

The second reason for my absence is that I get a little blogged-out sometimes. I think we, generally, believe our own lives are WAY more interesting than everyone else does. At times I feel like blogs are posted every time someone goes to the bathroom or gets stuck in traffic. Now, not to deem anyone's life and its happenings less than "important," I just choose to use discretion on what, in my life, is blog-worthy. That way I won't water down the really good stuff, which there IS some, and I'll post about all of that a little later!

However, today I have something that IS blog-worthy. So blog-worthy my heart is about to jump out of my chest. NO, we are NOT pregnant! (but that would DEFINITELY be blog-worthy, and I hope to write on that sooner than later!) Since I believe in Jesus, and I believe in the Holy Spirit (don't quit on me now those of you who aren't sure...this is gonna get good!), I know that recurring "heart themes", or things that continue to affect my heart, are often movements of the Holy Spirit prompting something. I've had one of these lately, and it just keeps on keepin' on. It all started at the Wonder Tour a few weeks ago in Osawatomie, KS. Our friend Mandy Scholz was stopped in this small town for speeding. Her 4-year-old, London, is one of our all time favorite kids. If there ever were to be a star on the show "Kid's Say the Darndest Things," this is your gal! Anyway, as the policeman was questioning Mandy about her lack of knowledge of the speed limit, little Londey-poo was in the back seat shouting, "Mommy! Does that policeman know Jesus!??????" She was dying to know, and they just might have gotten out of a ticket because of her preciousness. Later that night, London was sitting on my lap in a large group of HS students, listening to the run-down for the week ahead. She pointed to a boy sitting next to me, leaned to my ear and whispered, "Does that boy know Jesus?" I just couldn't believe that this 4-year-old was so concerned with whether or not everyone around her knew Jesus like she did, and was willing to ask, and even shout it out! They just happened to all be boys she wasn't sure about, but again, that's a whole 'notha blog! ; ) KIDDING! Conviction delivered through a 4-year-old...priceless.

Fast forward to this past Sunday. The sermon series at Victory Church (or as I like to call it, "Bomb Church" because it's the most bomb church ever!!) has been "What If" for the past four weeks. This past Sunday, it was "What If We Loved the Lost"? Now, I've never really been a fan of the word "lost" when referring to non-believers for a few personal reasons. I would rather say "those who don't know yet." This video by the magician Penn Jillette, from Penn & Teller, says it all to me. Penn is an atheist, as he will tell you in this video, but you can TOTALLY see the work of the Holy Spirit in his heart here. All because ONE MAN cared for "those who don't know yet." Those of us who DO believe, this should convict us and feel like a bit of a cane beating at best. If not, you might check your pulse. Check it out...


I'll just close with these two thoughts.

1. If you profess to believe that Jesus Christ did in fact hang on a cross and die for our sins, so that we can spend eternity in heaven, and that all others will spend eternity in hell...HOW MUCH DO YOU HAVE TO HATE SOMEONE TO NOT SHARE THAT WITH THEM? Would you not push them out of the way if they were standing in the middle of the street and a bus was about to hit them?? When do we stop being like London, and letting the first question out of our mouths when we meet a stranger be, "Do they know Jesus?" if we truly believe they will spend eternity in hell if they don't? If we believe that we, as believers, hold the secret to everlasting life, why do we KEEP it a secret? I challenge you to think about those questions, as I have been for weeks, and then make a bold, important statement to the world. Don't be quiet anymore.
   
2. If asked the question, "Do you know Jesus?" you would have to answer "No," I want to share with you the love that brought me out of a life of perpetual lies, deceit, addiction, immorality and loneliness. Jesus Christ died on a the cross for my sins, and for yours, so that we never have to think about those things again. I am made completely new...every single day. Because I know Him, I never have to be ashamed again, and I will get to spend eternity with someone who loved me more than ever imaginable. I want you to know Him too. My hurt aches for you to know Him. Please contact me through this blog, or click here, or call 1-888-NEED HIM if you want to know more, and I pray that you will!
   

I will not be quiet anymore!

Keep Up With Us!

So many people have blogs these days, it's hard to check them all for updates! Since we aren't very good at updating regularly, now you can subscribe to our blog via RSS feed or email notification by clicking on one of the links to the right. If you subscribe via email, you will simply enter your email address, and the system will generate an authorization email to that address. When you open that email, click the link it gives, and you will begin receiving an email each time we post to let you know there is something new out there. It's a totally safe and easy way to keep up with us...should you want to! : )

Huntin' eggs gots NOTHIN' on our Easter weekend!!

Dan and I were in OKC for our first full weekend! I am still living in Arkansas, but I was there Friday, Saturday and Sunday. We stayed with our sweet friends, Adam and Kristy Starling. Kristy is an AMAZING Christian Music artist, who leads worship at our church, and Adam is the college pastor at Victory.

If you know me at all, you probably quickly learned that the way to my heart is through cake of any kind...especially cupcakes! Since Dan is a man after my own heart, he took me to two of my new favorite places on earth! One is a cupcakery (I LOVE that word!) in an old, renovated house in downtown OKC called Sara Sara Cupcakes. The owner is Sara's mother. Sara died suddenly at a young age from a heart dysrhythmia. Before she passed away, she loved baking...especially cupcakes. After her death, her mother decided to honor her by opening Sara Sara Cupcakes, in which most of the proceeds go to fund a researcher at OU Medical Center, who is researching Sara's condition. So sweet...in more ways than one! It was such a neat vibe at 9:00 on Friday night! It was packed, and they had acoustic live music, and best of all...a milk bar! You could self-serve plain white milk, strawberry milk or chocolate milk from an old chrome refrigerated dispenser. Love it! The decor was very retro with lots of clear plexi-glass, and white...very clean and lots of white...with splashes of hot pink and silver to accessorize. And the marketer in me has to say, their branding was top notch!

As if that weren't heaven enough, Saturday night after church we hit up ANOTHER cupcakery called Cuppies and Joe! Appropriately named since we had cupcakes and coffee! This little place was hoppin'...and I don't mean just in time for Easter. It is located right in the middle of the Asian District in an old remodeled bungalo house. There wasn't a seat to be had, so we had to park it with a girl who was working on her laptop alone at a table for four. Again, they had live music, but this place had more of an Indie, Anthropologie-ish vibe than our stop the night before. Right up my alley! Very, very hip, and obviously the place to see and be seen for young peeps in OKC! This was the crowd fave for sure! If you come visit us in OKC, you can bet we will have some "Cuppies and Joe" before you leave!

Well, we rounded out our weekend with Easter Sunday at Victory Church. Wow. That's all I can say. What a blessing it is to be part of what is going on there. Our pastor, Mark Crow, is an AMAZING communicator. The sermon was not your typical Easter Sunday sermon where we walk through the death and resurection of Jesus Christ for all of those who come to church on Easter Sunday and Christmas only...God love 'em. ; ) Mark taught on "Jesus the Revolutionary"...and boy did he BRING IT! I was in the 12:00 service and saw over 100 people come to know the Lord in that service alone. And they weren't just your average Joe or Jane. They were hard-core, tatted-up, worn down by life looking people, who as pastor Crow said, "might have just missed hell by a minute." I was moved to tears to say the least. If you want to watch the service we experienced on Easter Sunday, you can do so by clicking here.

Ode to Milt!

Today I get to celebrate another friend! Another friend in the group of girls I mentioned in my previous post. Elizabeth Vaught, often, and more preferably known as "Milton" (her maiden name), pretty much rocks my face off. At least she makes me laugh until I feel like my face is going to fall off. She is the friend that gives you the sore cheeks from laughing so hard. She can dance with the best of 'em...she's super creative and always makes great gifts...she's so thoughtful...she's so ghetto, but so wallflower all at the same time (how does one even accomplish that?)...I could go on for days!

But most importantly, and what Milt has poured into my life, is loads of wisdom and truth. She is a wise sage at a very youthful age, and she is so Proverbs 31 to the point that I'm jealous! She loves Jesus and it shows by the way she lives her life as a true friend, a loving mother, and an awesome wife (I think Christian would second that!). Instead of a WWJD bracelet, I want a WWMD bracelet for "What Would Milt Do?" ; )

Milt, I've learned so much from you in the time we have been friends, and you are one of my very best friends...near and dear to the heart. Thank you for loving me (always!), for sharing your heart with me, and for being the amazing you that you are! So tonight, we shall go fill our bellies with pizza and shake our booties to some 80's at Boom Kinetic in YOUR honor, celebrating YOU, friend! Can't wait!

Happy Birthday, Milt!

A Season Full of New Beginnings...

If you are anything like me, you are SO SUPER thankful for new beginnings! Taking with you what you've learned through experiences in life so far, and a chance to start fresh. New beginnings can be refreshing, challenging, exciting, scary...a whole range of emotions all wrapped up in one. This has definitely been a season of new beginnings for us.

New Beginning #1: As you all well know by now, Dan and I were married on December 6th, 2008. I have felt the need to blog about that experience, but find it so overwhelming to think about actually capturing it in the confines of text in this blogosphere. I don't want to do it any injustice or leave ANYTHING out. So in effort to preserve it, all I can say is it was THE most perfect day in my life...more than I ever dreamed it would be. I married the man of my dreams who is perfect in EVERY way for just me. It brings me more joy than anything I have ever experienced to say that we did things "right," according to what we believe God intended for our dating relationship and marriage to look like. With no guilt or shame, only joy and excitement bubbling over, that day was the greatest day of my life. We are loving learning each other, growing together and being full-time roomies! I love waking up every morning and thinking, "I have the best husband ever." Here are some pics of our day....courtesy of the one, the only, Brooke Robinson

As much as I love new beginnings, they often require a goodbye. This brings me to my second "new beginning".

New Beginning #2: Because of the life I led in my past, I have often cycled friends in and out of my life. It was only when I started walking with the Lord that I realized what true friendship was and what it was always intended to be. With that realization, I have been blessed over the past four years with life-long friends...girls I know deeply, make every attempt to invest in, and know they truly care for me. One of those friends is my friend Jenny Robertson (now Shelby...YAY!). I met Jenny through a random series of events about 5 years ago when she was living in Little Rock working for the American Heart Association, and I participated in an event in Conway with my mom, who had recently had open heart surgery. It wasn't until two years later, when Jenny moved back to Fayetteville, that our path's crossed again on a mission trip to Gulfport to do hurricane relief work. That was the beginning of one of my most treasured friendships...one that makes life so much sweeter. Jenny understands me like very few do. I can tell her ANYTHING...and I mean ANYTHING...and she will love me unconditionally. We laugh harder together than I laugh with just about anyone. We have cried pretty hard together too. Jenny holds a precious place in my heart for showing me what real friendship looks like. Jenny was married last month to Matt Shelby, the PERFECT man for her, and they moved to Green Bay, WI. Though it's so hard to be away from her, and I miss her terribly, our friendship is one that spans miles and miles. I love you, Jenny, and miss your face!

New Beginning #3: This past week has been the most recent series of goodbye's, but also some hello's! We said goodbye to Transfer and CLC last week. It was hard....really hard...but we know the Lord has called us to Victory Church, so there is MUCH peace in that! CLC has been Dan's family for the past five years, and they are so wonderful. We have felt so loved by the kids at Transfer and the congregation at CLC, and feel blessed to have been part of that ministry. Dan spoke in both services on Sunday morning, and as his wife, I feel the liberty to say, HE BROUGHT IT! He was amazing. He shared is heart, and I think his heart is beautiful. You can watch or listen to his talk here. Dan will transition to OKC on Saturday of this week, with his first youth service there being next Wednesday! We went over last Saturday for a little party with the youth leaders, and had a BLAST! We are SOOO excited to be a part of this new ministry, and can't wait to see what God has in store. We know it's going to be HUGE! We are so hungry to be used, and KNOW this is just the place. We have been so welcomed and accomodated, and already love the heart of this church and the people there. Please continue to pray for us as we make this big step!

Last little new beginning tid-bit, and this is funny...as you know, we are trying to sell/rent/barter/trade for gummy bears...whatever we can get...our house here right now. We are working with an agent who is a dear friend of ours, and he found a renter! For some reason, I was wanting to meet this person...not sure why...just did. Apparently, this is not the norm in the renting process, so I was told by my husband who knows all. ; ) But, I still wanted to meet the potential renter. When our agent told the person about this request, they were frustrated because we had strung them out for a week, and were now wanting to meet them and they needed to make a decision...understandable. When Dan was telling me all of this, I said in all of my girliness and glory, "Dan! This is OUR house! I LOVE this house! We watched our first movie together in this house! We fell in love in this house! We had our first kiss in this house! We came home to this house after we got married!!!" I didn't have to add anything else to my list because he was looking at me like I was NUTS! Finally, I said, "I think I'm too emotionally attached...you just handle this." And so he is, and I believe we have it rented!! GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!

"Where da GOLD at?"

In honor of St. Paddy's Day...one of the funniest things ever. I laugh HARD at this every year. N-joy, and "get da GOLD!!!!!"

OOOOOklahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plains!

I chose the picture in our blog header because it is one of our favorite engagement pics, but it will be pretty appropriate soon, as we are...drumroll please.........MOVING TO OKLAHOMA!!!!

For those of you who have been living under a rock, Dan has accepted the youth pastor position at an amazing church in Oklahoma City called Victory Church. They have multiple campuses, but their home church is in OKC and ranges from 6,000 to 8,000 in attendance. Dan will be moving in April, and I will join him in early May after the Leadership Conference for my job is complete on May 8. We are SUPER excited about this opportunity and are sure this is where the Lord wants us to be! This is such an honor for Dan to be pursued by a church of this caliber, and I am honored to serve with him. opportunity and are fully confident this is where the Lord w

If you would like, you can pray for us in the following capacity(s) as we transition.

1. People say we are crazy to move right now, because it involves quiting jobs when there are very few to be had, and selling a house! The big thing right now is for our house to sell or rent at an amount that will not cause us to go in the red, which is tough to do these days!
2. For us to find a house in OKC (preferably with a tornado shelter!) that will allow us to lease-to-purchase until we can get rid of ours here. We found one we love, but will have to convince the builder to go the lease-to-purchase route.
3. Work for me. I am having to leave a job that I love in order to move to OKC, and we will need a double income...especially if we have to cover our mortgage here for a while. I am in talks with the church about a marketing position for the production arm of the church, so hopefully that will work out for us!
4. Please pray for Dan's youth group here as we transition out. He fills a "father figure" role for a lot of these kids, and they are heartbroken that he is leaving. Pray that his spot would be filled quickly and with the perfect person for a seamless transition.
5. Finally, pray for us as we step into this new role. Pray that Dan would be FILLED with wonderful ideas and wisdom, and that the numbers would grow from the first day we are there! Pray that kids lives would be touched through this ministry and through Dan. Pray that our marriage will grow as our ministry there grows.

We love you guys, and hope you will share in our excitement with us! Most of you know I grew up in Oklahoma City, and honestly never thought for one second that I would be back there. However, I am very excited to see what the Lord has planned for us, as He promises it is more than we could ever imagine when we listen to and follow Him. So that's what we are doing! Oklahoma will no longer be just cowboys, indians and tornados! We will be there too, so we hope you will come visit!

Slacker-ific!

We are total slacker's at their finest when it comes to updating this blog! Actually, I am...don't even think Dan knows our username and password. So much has happened, and I promise to blog about most/some of it later. Maybe just a picture montage, but we will catch you up soon! Life is super exciting for us right now, and about to get even more so!

Stay tuned!!!